4 Outcomes Of Selecting A Funny Keynote

In-person events are back and so are the stresses that come with them.

From picking a venue that fits your needs, to making sure you adhere to hundreds of dietary restrictions, to ensuring the A/V team has the right dongles so that a presenter’s audio plays and the entire room doesn’t have to sit through the speaker sweating as the team troubleshoots in real time.

One thing that shouldn’t stress you out is picking the right keynotes. Does your client have the budget to bring in 2? 1? Is it a multiple day event where multiple keynotes are needed? This seems like it would be stressful, but there is one thing you should look for in your speaker selection process that can alleviate that stress: make sure those speakers are funny.

“But this is a legal conference and all the client wants are cut and dry informative topics. There’s no time for funny speakers.”

When you attend a concert you can be sure of 2 things.

1.    The main attraction sure as hell isn’t opening the show – there’s another performer whose job it is to warm up the crowd and get them in the headspace to get the most out of the main act.

2.    That main attraction is ending the show with one of their biggest hits to send everyone home happy.

Think of planning out the conference in the same way: create positive momentum so they’re primed to learn, then close the conference on a high note so they’re primed to look back fondly.

But why do the keynotes have to be funny?

The effective use of humor has a powerful effect on human beings, and when you have a conference room packed with hundreds of humans, you want to make sure they’re fully engaged and excited, and laughter can take them from zero to whatever number the client wants them to reach. I’m not saying to book Gallagher for your conference, as I’m betting the client probably doesn’t have an allocated watermelon or poncho budget, but certainly find a speaker who can weave elements of humor in and out of their inspirational talk.

Here are 4 outcomes you miss by NOT booking funny keynotes:

1. Connection

When a room is packed with hundreds of strangers, nothing brings people together quicker than sharing laughs. Once that opening keynote gets that first laugh, you can literally see people relax in their seats. When the group continues to laugh together to open an event, no matter what the rest of the sessions contain, you’ve broken down silos so that when people are standing in the buffet line, worried that their specific dietary restriction might not be accommodated, one person can turn to the stranger behind them, quote something funny the opening keynote said and create an instant bond. I’ve both done that and seen it happen. We’re still connected on LinkedIn.

2. Creativity

When you attend a conference, there’s a preconceived notion for how it will turn out. The beauty of humor is that it interrupts unconscious thinking patterns and presents new possibilities and perspectives. Though the rest of the day’s sessions are probably geared to be informative, giving attendees an opening to consider new perspectives up front can positively impact the way they absorb the information throughout the rest of the event. If neurological studies conclusively show that getting a joke primes the brain’s problem-solving capabilities, then not opening the day with laughs is failing to grease the gears in your audience’s heads.

3. Retention

In a study involving 500 college students, those who attended a humorous lecture on Freudian Personality Theory scored significantly higher than those who attended the same lecture, but delivered without humor, on retention tests given 6 weeks later. If you want the information taught throughout the rest of the day to stick better, be sure to open and close the event with laughs.

4. Connection Part 2

Not only can humor be used to connect people with one another, but humor can be used to connect disconnected ideas in our own heads. This is why closing the event with a speaker who gets the laughs going is the ideal bookend for your day. If you really want to make an impact, ask the closing keynote to stick around for the full day and weave the key points from earlier programs into his or her stories, anecdotes, and jokes so that the audience is mentally engaged in connecting the assorted topics they heard about earlier. If they charge extra to do something like this, pay it. The value of a fresh set of eyes sharing what everyone in the room saw that day cannot be overstated. Just like Phil Collins closing with a powerful rendition of “Take Me Home,” this will send your attendees home on an unbelievably high note, and have your client knocking down your door to book next year’s event.

There are a number of phenomenally funny keynote speakers out there who can amplify the success of your event. If I’m not your cup of tea, here are a few others that I stand by:

Jeff Rogers: https://www.meetjeffrogers.com/

John Garrett: https://thejohngarrett.com/

Karyn Buxman: https://karynbuxman.mykajabi.com/

Andrew Tarvin: https://drewtarvin.com/

Ray Engan: https://leadershipthroughlaughter.com/

Vulnerability, Risk, And Comedy At Work: How One Leader Was Able To STAND UP To Traditional Leadership

When it comes to taking risks, the last hour of an all-day management retreat for your team doesn’t seem like it’d be the time or place – they’re tired, their work for the day is done, they feel the sweet release of freedom at their fingertips – when suddenly, it’s ripped away for an extra hour of training. And not just any training, stand-up comedy training.

“If looks could kill, I would’ve died right there on the spot,” recalls Steve Cody, founder and CEO of NYC-based Peppercomm.

Peppercomm is a marketing communications company that prides itself on challenging conventional wisdom when it comes to marketing, and what challenges conventional wisdom more than combining stand-up comedy and managers? Okay, maybe discipline via trial-by-combat, but comedy in the workplace is up there.

Why take such a risk? According to Cody, after performing stand-up for a few years, he began to notice that the skills he learned onstage were actually benefitting him around the office.

“My senses were sharpened by having to read the room, deal with silence, catcalls, and nerves before making a major presentation, so I said, ‘I think this is applicable to the workplace.’”

He’s right.

Peppercomm Hosted Annual Comedy Fundraiser | Peppercomm
Steve Cody performs at Peppercomm’s Annual Comedy Night at West Side Comedy Club (2019)

Comedy, or at the very least, laughter in the workplace, has been proven to generate results for those organizations who place high value in humor. According to a Huet & Associates study, organizations who used humor to engage employees reported shareholder returns 19% higher than their competitors. A study by market research company Ipsos found a correlation between employee retention and the sense of humor of the managers at those organizations – imagine all that time and money you’d save on recruiting and onboarding with lower turnover rates. And a study published in The Journal Of Managerial Psychology discovered a direct correlation between a supervisor’s use of humor and employee performance, engagement, collaboration skills, and satisfaction. Leaders who use humor were also perceived as better performers and more likable.

The effects of humor at work are clear, so even though Cody’s managers were initially resistant to the idea of comedy training, they didn’t take long to come around.

“You could see everybody pulling for one another,” remembers Cody, “so it became part and parcel of our training program.” Now, Peppercomm uses his outside-of-the-box, culture-building, shared experience a few times a year to train new hires or employees moving up in the organization, and they even offer the training to clients. Because of this unique cultural cornerstone, Peppercomm has a competitive edge over more serious marketing firms when it comes to attracting potential clients and hires. More than once, Cody has heard, “You made us laugh,” when closing a deal with a new client, so needless to say, his risk to introduce comedy to his team had more than paid off. Not only has it helped attract new clients, but it has also landed Peppercomm on many “Best Places To Work” lists, including Forbes, Crain’s, and Inc., which makes the firm a destination for the PR world’s creative up-and-comers.

The gamble could’ve easily backfired on Cody, but he doesn’t look at taking risks from such a doomsday, “What if it all goes wrong?” perspective. Another powerful lesson the average non-comedian can learn from stand-up is that it’s okay to fall on your face when you try something new, and this willingness to be vulnerable and honest in pursuit of a goal can serve as a catalyst for growth.

As the old adage goes: it’s about the Journey, not Steve Perry.

Okay, maybe that joke didn’t work, but I had to at least take the risk and include it. If you didn’t laugh, I’m okay with that because instead of wasting energy and speculating on “What would’ve happened if I included the joke?” I now have the answer and can learn from it… and never say that again.

OR find a new way to say it better.

OR include it as part of a longer joke.

In today’s workplace, vulnerability and the willingness to think outside-of-the-box are vital leadership skills for adapting to changing times, and when things don’t go according to plan, your team will look to you for guidance.

“I allow all of my employees to see me fail, and fail miserably,” remarks Cody.

Come again?

“You’ve got to be a little more human and authentic.” But what about the idea that leaders have to be strong and have all of the answers?

In short, this perspective of leadership is outdated. With the development of virtual and AI technology disrupting the status quo of work and new challenges popping up seemingly on the hour, agility is a much more valuable leadership skill than rigidity in the modern workplace, and the first step to being agile is to come to terms with the fact that you may be wrong sometimes… and that’s okay!

Not only is it okay, it’s more than okay in today’s world. With technology speeding up the way we work, we have to hang onto our humanity in the workplace, and the best way to do that is by being open to your own imperfections and being willing to laugh about them.

Peppercomm Inc. | Crain's New York Business
Source: Crain’s New York Business

“People want the truth and want to be treated as peers, which is difficult if you’re in the CEO spot. But the beauty of comedy is that it level-sets. It personifies and humanizes the CEO in a way that nothing else can.”

By taking a risk and trying something new, so much can go wrong, but if you’re open to laughing about it, not only will you be quicker to adjust, your people are more likely to have your back. According to Cody, employees expect vulnerability, humanity, and open-mindedness in their leaders.

As a comedian, if you’re willing to put yourself on the level of your audience and connect with them as an authentic human being – rather than performing by memory, or lecturing them on the way you see the world – you build trust. Once an audience trusts you, when one of your ideas doesn’t connect, they stay on board and are rooting for you to adjust and succeed with your next joke. Some comedians will badger an audience for not laughing, others will plug on in a rote, rehearsed way, but the ones who can take that bombed joke and build audience trust on a non-laugh by turning the attention to their own failure – those are the greats.

Just like performing stand-up, being a leader is rooted in being a human being first, and being a human means making mistakes.

Leaders: ask yourself, with whom would you rather work side-by-side? The person who works the same way every day, who has tall of the answers and never admits when they’re wrong? Or the person who is willing to try new things, who has questions and admits that they don’t have all of the answers, and is sometimes willing to laugh at themselves?

Be the leader you’d rather work with – that’s who your employees need you to be.

According to Cody, “The companies and leaders that’ll come out of this [pandemic] with the most success are the ones who show that they care. You need to let [your employees] know that it’s okay to not be okay.”

With this leadership mindset, you have permission to present your wild, outside-of-the-box idea to your team, and even if it fails miserably, remember, that’s what makes all of us human.

Watch the full interview HERE.

For more about Steve and Peppercomm, visit peppercomm.com

If you’re a leader and you want to develop to benefit from the results of using humor in the workplace, click here to set up a free consultation with Water Cooler Comedy.

12 Steps For Incorporating Humor Into Your Workplace

Now, more than ever, it is vital to laugh when it comes to work. Y’know… that thing we spend a majority of our lives doing and stressing about. With the seismic shift in what it means to work brought about by the pandemic (among other changes), refusing to allow humor to become a vital part of your workplace’s culture will not only impact happiness, it will hamper creativity, productivity, and the bottom line. Because using humor is not typically a behavior associated with leadership – or even the workplace – here are twelve guidelines for making your workplace more effective with humor.

*Note: Each workplace operates differently, containing its own unique cast of characters, policies, and culture, so by seeing these steps as guidelines for dealing with adversity and uncertainty, and not hard rules, you can adapt them to your own circumstances.

Step 1: Lean Into It

Be open to the fact that anything can be funny. No matter what situation you’re in, what difficult person you’re dealing with, or how hopeless you feel, someone out there has had it worse and been able to laugh. If 100 people heard your story, there would be 100 different perspectives, and by simply saying, “This is funny,” it creates a shift in yours.

Step 2: Start From Where You Are

Look around you and take note of everything that’s happening. What do you see? What’s going on? What are your thoughts? How do your thoughts make you feel? What actions are you taking? Are things going as planned? If not, how are they being addressed? What is and isn’t working? What are people saying? What do you have control over? What do you not? What skills, talents, and tools do you have at your disposal? Why so many questions? Because asking yourself questions that force you to provide objective answers can lead you to new solutions.

Step 3: Know From Whence You Came

What victories have you had in the past? How have you grown? How did you respond to defeats? Are there cringeworthy moments? Regrets? Things you wish you had done? Remember, you have no control over the past, but you do have control over your perspective of it and the actions you take based on that.

Step 4: Know Where You Want To Go And Why

Before starting anything, you need a goal and a why. For example, the intent of every comedian should be to leave their audience feeling better than they were when they arrived. As a leader, shouldn’t this be your goal too? In this case, your “audience” includes your employees, coworkers, customers, and clients, and inspiring positive emotions based on your interactions not only makes both of you feel better, it provides an energy boost that will have you doing better too.

Step 5: Be Authentic

Watching someone try to be funny is so painful because they’re trying to get a reaction, rather than sharing something that actually made them laugh. Don’t be that guy. If it isn’t funny to you, it’s going to be even less funny to others. Be true to yourself – if you’re not typically the person who makes wisecracks, people will start giving you funny looks and wondering if you’re okay. You don’t have to use humor to appreciate the humor in a situation.

Step 6: Provide A Safe Space For Creativity And Discovery

If you want your creativity to flourish when it comes to problem-solving, you gotta give it the space to do so. Instead of shooting down your own ideas before you have a chance to explore them by telling yourself “There’s no way this works,” enter the creative space by assuming it will work, use that as your starting point, and work backwards.

Step 7: Use “Yes, And…” As Your Core Collaborative Tool

One of the best ways for overcoming creative blockage is by accepting ideas as true and amazing and then adding to them – whether they’re your own ideas or someone else’s. Even if it’s a bad idea, responding with a resounding acceptance and then adding to it has myriad benefits, the chief of which is emotional connection. There’s plenty of time to get analytical, but that has no place in the idea stage of a project.

Step 8: Know Your Audience

Who are you using humor in front of? Not all humor works for all people, so adapt it to your coworkers, clients, or your audience. What new idea do you have and who are you presenting it to? Always read the room and adapt accordingly. There’s always a way to get a message across more effectively, and being aware of how you’re packaging that message for its intended audience is vital to that message’s success.

Step 9: Use Humor To Uplift

Like point 4 mentioned, your intent serves as a guide. Never demean, ridicule, isolate, punch down on, or be excessively sarcastic toward others in an effort to be funny. You want to ease tension, inspire creativity, and build bonds, and any form of humor that leaves people feeling bad for you or themselves is not welcome. (Additional tip: there are times when you or someone else may unintentionally cross the line. If it’s someone else, appreciate their efforts, and ask them questions where they come up with answers to guide themselves toward more uplifting forms of humor. If it’s you, see the following step.)

Step 10: Laugh At Yourself

No one’s perfect. You’re a human being who makes mistakes, but that’s actually a good thing: mistakes are how you learn and grow. Being steadfast and stubborn in your quest to always be right and have the answers is how you stay stagnant. The quicker you laugh, the quicker you learn, the quicker you course correct, and the more you deliver the subconscious message to others that it’s okay to mess up… as long as growth is the result. There’s a reason my programs are filled with stories about falling on my face and learning from it: the audience sees themselves, and it creates connection and common ground.

Step 11: Create Shared Experiences

Shared laughter creates an instant bond between people, whether strangers, friends and family, or bitter enemies. The more immersive, involved, and inclusive an experience is, the more you connect people. Anyone can reap the benefits of humor, and doing it as a group is a way to speed up the process, see one another as individuals instead of job titles and actions, and create a shared story, whether virtually or in person.

Step 12: Delegate

This is the step for those of you who consider yourselves more analytical than creative – you don’t have to be funny to use humor. By leaning into those who are or, at the very least, to those who are more creative or upbeat, you contribute in the way that suits you best by leaning into the talents of others. Yeah, giving up control to others is scary, but if you consistently follow the above 11 steps, even if it doesn’t go as planned, not only do you have the tools to adapt and respond, but you’ve built a culture where others do too.

We could all use a laugh right now. If you’re able to implant the idea that work – the place where people spend a significant chunk of their time – is a place where they can actually enjoy themselves, laugh, and accomplish tasks in new ways, you’ve set yourself apart from a normal that has dragged down people’s potential too long.

If your team is struggling with uncertainty, stress, overwhelm, virtual fatigue, and pessimism, chances are good that engagement levels are down, meaning fewer ideas, less collaboration, and lower returns. Effectively incorporating humor into your culture solves these problems, and I can help. Schedule a free conversation today, and we’ll team up to come up with a plan to transform your team into one that is more creative, effective, and equipped to deal with adversity and uncertainty.

Humor Isn’t The Same Thing As Comedy? I Don’t Get It

When I bring up the subject of humor, what is the first thing that pops into your head?

A comedy show?

Telling jokes?

The fact that the British need a second ‘u’ in the word?

Whatever it may be, I just wanted to clear something up: humor (or humour) is not the same thing as jokes, comedy or even funny, so what is it?

Humo(u)r is an internal process that solves the tension of two competing thoughts by connecting them in new and unexpected ways.

Jokes are one way to connect these competing thoughts. Explained simply: all jokes are a form of humor, but not all humor is jokes.

Funny: Connecting competing thoughts may produce some unexpected results, which can lead to laughter, but the outcome of using humor need not always be funny.

Sense of humor: If you have a good sense of humor, it means you’re open to the idea of multiple unique ways of these competing thoughts. For example, if you laugh when someone teases you about losing your hair, you’re both holding onto your elevated sense of self-importance while being open to someone else’s observations. You can see the connection, and you’re willing to not hold so tightly to preconceived notions.

Comedy: The practice, science, and art of connecting two unlike thoughts — the setup to the punchline — until it generates laughter from an audience through repeated trial, error, and revision. Comedy can certainly include jokes, though they’re not always necessary, but a comedian must have a sense of humor. If a comic fails to work out the connections between his or her incongruous thoughts, there’s no way an audience will make those connections either, and everyone will be sitting in silence, wondering why this weird person is talking at them.

I hope this helps you put the ‘u’ in humor.

Register for FREE Webinar: “9 Guidelines For Incorporating Humor Into Your Workplace” https://bit.ly/2WcKYur

When it Comes to Jokes, How Soon is Too Soon?

Life is full of ups and downs. Without the ebbs, we wouldn’t appreciate the flows, and when things are down, they can seem really down. In the face of tragedy and trauma, sometimes the last thing we want to do is laugh, but sometimes, that’s the jolt we need to shake ourselves out of a slump. At the end of the opening monologue for the first episode of Saturday Night Live after 9/11, executive producer Lorne Michaels asked Rudy Giuliani, “Can we be funny?” Giuliani quipped back, “Why start now?” which immediately broke the tension and heaviness that hung in the air. Collectively, it seemed as though America breathed a sigh of relief.

In the age of social media, when tragedy strikes, comedians, wannabe comedians, and basically anyone with access to a smart phone take to Twitter to joke about it. Many are in poor taste, many are cringeworthy, and very few actually do what the Giuliani did on that night in 2001. As he was flanked by first responders, he cut the tension with one punchline (whereas now, he creates tension every time he appears on a TV screen).

Which begs the question: how soon is too soon to joke about something?

The answer to this question has been debated for forever, and it can’t measured in days, months, or years. Whether a joke is too soon is determined on a case-by-case basis.

Too soon can be better measured by combination of the teller’s intent, the target audience, the trust built with that audience, the framing of the joke, and the target of the punch line. Whether you’re a comedian on stage, a random person tweeting about a tragedy, or searching for a way to console a friend or coworker, these are the questions you should ask yourself:

What is the intent of your joke?

A comedian’s job is to make people laugh. Even though sometimes it may seem to be to shock, offend, or gross out an audience, the goal of these jokes is always laughter, and through a trial and error process at open mics and bar shows with very few laughs, the goal of funny is either reached, or the joke is abandoned. For me, the biggest reward of getting a laugh is the fact that I have succeeded in making a connection with others. I’ve shown them that funny does exist, even in the darkest corners of life, and that from that darkness can come release. If the goal is simply to offend, shock, or disgust, think twice about opening your mouth or hitting “send.”

Who is the audience?

If you want to make your audience laugh, you first have to know who your audience is, whether you’re speaking to a room full of people, or saying something in jest to one person.

One of my first speaking gigs was for a group in Richmond, Indiana. In that presentation, I had a joke about the negative spirals our brains can take us down when we’re stressed, and the joke ends with me joining a cult because “I can never turn down free Kool Aid,” which almost always gets a laugh. In this case, the audience stared back with nary a smile, and I had no idea why until we reached the Q&A portion of the program. A woman’s hand shot up in the air, and with a quiver of subdued anger in her voice, she scolded me: “Jim Jones is from Richmond. Some of us in this room lost loved ones in the Jonestown Massacre.” I had no idea. My face turned fruit punch red;

Since then, you better believe I read the room and adjust my material accordingly before I get on stage. A few weeks ago, I spoke at a luncheon, and as the meeting was about to start, the meeting planner made me aware of a table of nuns seated in the front of the room. Instead of powering through the program, I switched out a few of the more PG-13 punchlines and had a great presentation without alienating anyone. I even snuck in a double entendre at the end that made the table of nuns double over in laughter. Why? Because before I told the joke, I asked the question:

Have you built trust with the audience?

I could spend 1000 words talking about how building trust with someone is more important than the content of your funny line, but I’ll boil it down to just a couple of points.

  • Communicate that you empathize with your audience. See where they’re coming from before you share where you’re coming from. This is vital whether you’re performing at a comedy show, or just having a 1-on-1 interaction.
  • Be sure to approach them from equal footing – if you make it seem like you’re preaching or talking down, it makes it harder for the two of you to see from the same angle.
  • Do they know you’re funny? If I’m in front of an audience, I never start with the edgy material until we’ve all shared a laugh at my own expense or at the absurdity of everyday life, so we’re now on the same page. If you barely know someone and you find out they’re going through a rough patch, even if you want to make them laugh, it’s abrasive to just introduce yourself, then go right into your jokes.

How are you framing the joke?

Again, your goal is to make your audience laugh, but the tragedy or trauma in itself isn’t funny. It rarely is, even if there is humor to be found. For example, Giuliani’s joke wouldn’t have worked if it weren’t for such a heavy tragedy. Without explicitly mentioning 9/11 in the setup or punchline, though it was implied, that way, when the punch came at the expense of Michaels and SNL, everyone exhaled deeply. More recently, Kobe Bryant was killed in a helicopter crash along with eight others. Since then, I’ve been using that tragedy as the vehicle of a joke about my mom always calling me to deliver bad news. The joke isn’t framed to make light of the tragedy, the tragedy is framed to make light of my experience of it.

Who is the target of the punchline?

The intent of the above Kobe joke is to make people laugh, I perform it in front of audiences who want to laugh, I place the joke at the end of my set so that the audience already trusts that I’m funny, I use the tragedy as a vehicle to get to the punchline, and the punchline never comes at the expense of the victim. It takes the tension and releases it in a way that makes the audience feel better for having laughed. After my Aunt Kristie was killed in 2009, I was able to make light of the situation, not by making light of the tragedy or by poking fun at her, but by making light of the weird ceremonies we have to mourn the dead, by making light of the idiocy of her murderers, and about how I don’t have the tact to make people laugh in the face of tough times.

You don’t have to be a comedian to practice these tips. The next time you want to break the tension after a tough meeting, someone’s hard day, or after a tragedy, ask yourself the above questions and help make the world a better place by making one person smile at a time.

Hear more on the topic and listen to the above Kobe joke in this bonus episode of “You Can’t Laugh At That” on Spotify. If you enjoy, follow the podcast on Spotify – we post new episodes every Monday.

Thanks for reading and enjoy!

You Can’t Laugh at That Recap: Comedy and the Power of Words

Episode 2 of You Can’t Laugh at That was released yesterday, and it’s a topic that has both inspired and infuriated me for years: the power of words. Growing up, I was confused by the fact that certain words hurt others, but didn’t hurt me, and that other words have hurt me, but didn’t hurt others. Comedy legend George Carlin said it best when communicating his confusion with an arbitrary list of “bad” words: You never know what’s on the list because it’s always somebody else’s list… People’s lists even change day-to-day. 

I’ll never forget discovering my first swear words as I marched into my parents’ kitchen after a rigorous day in kindergarten. They had some friends over and I wanted to share my new vocabulary with an audience, so I put my bag on the floor, proudly proclaimed, “Fart penis!” and was whisked into the bathroom to learn what soap tasted like. Though those words aren’t considered bad by most people, that was the day I discovered there are “curse words” that you can get in trouble for saying, but also that these words aren’t cursed by everyone.

In this episode, fellow comedian Steve Mers and I invite the outspoken Dave Flynt onto the show to ask and answer the questions:

  • What even are words?
  • Why are some words offensive to some and not to others?
  • As artists and entertainers with the ability to influence, do we have a responsibility to avoid offending others?
  • How can we lessen the power of these words so that they don’t hurt anymore?

Words are…

  • Literally just noises out of your mouth that creates emotions and actions in others through their subjective understandings and interpretations of them.  Because the interpretations are subjective, a word doesn’t have the same effect on one person as it would another person hearing or seeing that word. Society is based on shared stories that bring people together, and we’re a social species, so we needed a shared method of communication, so we decided certain sounds would mean certain things, and language was formed. This caused the exponential growth of the human race, but the subjectivity of meanings can also cause disagreements and conflict.
  • Tools you can use to do whatever you want, from asking someone to grab you a beer from the fridge, to starting a movement, it all depends on who’s using the tools and what their intention is.

Some words are offensive to some and not to others because…

  • When it comes to the words we use, we have to remember that others have different life experiences, and that certain words will cause them pain when they mean nothing to the person who uses them. To paraphrase the eloquence of Flynt:”Some people have emotional stuff that makes them feel a certain way. You could be listening to a rap song called “I Fucked Your Bitch,” and if your girl cheated on you 2 weeks ago, that hurts. If you could be the dude who fucked his bitch and you listen to that song, you’re like, “I feel good.”
  • When we have a conversation, tell a joke, or write a tweet, we have to remember that other people’s feelings are at play and that we don’t share the same experiences and aren’t riding the same emotional wave they are.

As artists and entertainers with the ability to influence…

  • We have to realize that a comedy set is a roller coaster ride for the audience. If each line has the audience in stitches, those laughs will diminish as the set progresses – there has to be a natural ebb and flow.
  • We have to realize that the show can be an emotional experience for some. I once did five minutes of funeral jokes and was approached after the show by the woman who booked me that I wasn’t welcome back to present to the group because they had recently lost a member to cancer. At another presentation, I did the funeral bit with rewritten material, and afterwards, an older man who had just lost his wife to cancer shook my hand and thanked me for making it okay for him to laugh. Being wary of the potential sensitivity of the audience pushed me to be more creative in expressing myself.

We can lessen the power of words by…

  • Realizing that much of the offense comes from societal inequalities. Steve hypothesizes that if we treated everyone equally, there’s less of a reason to feel offended about something because they don’t feel like they’re being subjugated.
  • Changing the narrative behind the words to dilute their power. Since language is a manmade concept, changing language to move us forward is also a manmade process. If there’s a word that brings people pain, the question isn’t, “How can we stop using the word?” It’s going to be difficult to convince ignorant people to stop using “retarded” negatively, so changing the meaning of the word or creating a new word to describe someone who is developmentally disabled may be a better option.
  • Stopping the prohibition of certain words. Steve asks an incredibly intriguing question: “Are words like drugs where if you make them legal, they lose their power?” When we dwell on something “offensive,” we give the culprit power over our emotions. It’s not the words that cause the emotion from the listener, it’s the listener’s thoughts about what is said. In eighth grade English class, I used the word “dingus” in a sentence and the teacher and I got two completely meanings out of the word. The word “dingus” is used to refer to something whose name the speaker cannot remember, is unsure of, or is humorously or euphemistically omitting. Even after showing her this definition, she was still furious because she assumed I was referring to a penis and I was given two detentions.
  • I was totally referring to a penis.

As a comedian, your sole job above all else is to make people laugh. If you’re trying to shock, offend, or subjugate, you’re not doing your job. Remember that certain words trigger certain people, and that you can still make your point – and probably in a much more creative way – if you find a better way to communicate your ideas and what’s funny to you. As Steve puts it, “If you’re not an asshole, convince people you’re not an asshole before you say something that makes people think you’re an asshole.”

This goes for comedy and everyday life.

Listen, comment, follow, and share on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0uivwpcpfokYkTBsOKepz5?si=8CA86iyAST6Nj86Whc5T1g

or Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/episode-2-the-power-of-words/id1495600197?i=1000463781993

If You Have Writer’s Block, Just Start Writing

If you write creatively, you’ve experienced writer’s block.

About a week ago, I sat down to write new stand-up material and drew an absolute abyss of a blank. It got to the point where I was referring to my tweets from three years ago for new ideas. A gem like “When it comes to wearing a black belt, black shoes matter,” is NOT making into one of my sets today.

When we get writer’s block, all we tend to think about is the fact that you have writer’s block, so no wonder writing is hard.

Then comes the brilliant thought of, “I need to write something brilliant and hilarious.”

No pressure, David.

One of the biggest obstacles to writing something creative and funny is the thought, “I need to write something creative and funny,” because the first thing that we type out is going to be weighed against those lofty expectations. For this reason, the creative process is stifled, and you’ve created an uphill battle for yourself.

The last couple of months have been a bit of a letdown on what I’ve written based on my own standards, and the longer I go without writing something that gets my creative juices flowing, the higher I set my expectations. Because I’m overthinking everything so much, instead of just writing, I look at the pen and paper in front of me as an enemy, as something that has to be overcome, rather than embracing the moment and running with it.

Three nights ago, I sat down with a basic idea I’ve been kicking around in my head for a good two months, and instead of overthinking what I would write, I just started typing.

I didn’t write an outline, I didn’t demand myself to “write something hilarious,” I just started writing. At first, the act of typing inspired a starting point, but the more and more I began to give into my thoughts without judging them as good or bad, the clearer I could see the direction I was heading. Once I made it from the starting point to the conclusion of the bit, I read through what I had written, deleted what wasn’t truthful to me in the moment, rewrote some sentences that would disappoint my high school English teacher, and re-read it out loud. I had to stop a couple of times to laugh.

Success!

For two months, I had refused to elaborate on an initial idea because it wasn’t perfect, but all it took was three hours of just writing without judgment, refining what I had written, rehearsing the bit, and making final adjustments, I had a working bit.

Get out of your own head and just write. That’s it.

The only secret is to just keep writing, whether it’s a comedy bit, a blog post, a journal entry, a policy proposal, a product or marketing idea, a poem, a research paper, or a script – IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT IT IS. JUST START WRITING AND SEE WHERE IT TAKES YOU.

Creativity is messy. To strive for perfection means to judge, but judgment and creativity don’t work well together.

Remember: you can’t be creative by telling yourself to be creative. Just start writing and allow your creativity to flourish.

Taking Short-Term Risks for Long-Term Reward

When competing in a comedy competition, it’s wise to use safe material, that is, material that you KNOW works with crowds of all shapes and sizes. But as a performer, sometimes hitting the same laugh lines over and over can get exhausting and feel less rewarding.

I was in a comedy competition in New York City last week, and the rules stated that if you advance to the next round, you can’t use any of the material you had already used. I have three ten-minute sets that have historically held up in front of all kinds of crowds, so I initially planned on using these three sets. But once I moved on from the first round to the semifinals and was prepared to use my second killer set, I called an audible at the last second.

I had thought of some new jokes a few days prior and was itching to try them out in front of a live audience. Sure, I knew set number two was going to work, but I had been milking that set for so long (see what I did there?), my itch to be creative won out.

I tried an entire new set in the semifinals and failed to move on to the finals.

You’re probably thinking, “What’s the point of writing a post about taking risks when the risk you took didn’t pay off?”

The point is that, sure, I suffered a short-term setback.

Sure, after opening up my set strong, the next two minutes fell painfully flat, with little to no laughter from the audience. But after lightheartedly drawing attention to this elephant in the room, the rest of the set concluded strong.

The moment I got off stage, I knew I wasn’t moving on in the contest, but it felt liberating to try out something new.

The next day, I listened back to my set, took notes, made adjustments, then worked out the material at three open mics. By the time the third one rolled around, I had a fully functional, laugh-worthy set ready to go.

It killed.

Even though I fell flat during the second round of the competition, I now have a brand new ten minute set that I can confidently take to the stage, knowing I can get laughs.

When we play it safe, eventually it becomes rote, routine, and incredibly boring, even if at one point it was rewarding. When we take risks, life becomes much more exciting, it’s just important to remember that when we fall short of our goals the first time, it isn’t the end of the world. There’s always a chance to learn, improve, and achieve that internal (and external) reward by adjusting and adapting. Don’t let taking a risk stop you when the reward can be that much greater.

What’s one risk you can take that makes you feel uncomfortable? What’s the potential long-term reward if you see it through?

Humor and Grief: Putting the ‘FUN’ in Funerals

When a close relative of yours gets murdered, it shakes the foundation of your existence; it can send you on a downward spiral of depression, dependency, and regret. One of the toughest moments of my life was learning of the passing of my aunt, Kristie, at the hands of her own daughter – my cousin Taylor. I was lying in bed around 7 AM after a late night of shock and questioning reality – we had already known Kristie had been killed, but when we went to bed, we didn’t know the culprit – when my dad burst into my room with hate in his voice, declaring, “Taylor did it.”

My first thought was, “Christmas is going to be awkward this year.” I stopped myself from laughing: “This isn’t the time to make jokes.” The next few weeks were miserable – every day we learned more and more gruesome details about the murder. If you were to drive by our house, it would’ve been the one with the black cloud hovering above it. You always hear people say things like, “That kind of stuff happens on the news, it doesn’t happen to us,” so none of us really knew how to cope. We spend a lot of time together, consoling and comforting one another. In college at the time, I confronted my vulnerability by skipping two straight weeks of class – the only percentage I got was the .09 I blew into a breathalyzer. Needless to say, none of the family could find a way out of the black hole we were stuck in… until the funeral. That’s when I finally gave in to the humor of the whole situation.

During the eulogy, the minister said, “This is a celebration of life!” I don’t know about you, but when I hear the word “celebration,” I think “party,” and not one person was partying. Besides, if you were to invite me to a party, then inform me it’s at a church, everyone would be crying, and the DJ would be bagpipes, I’d politely decline. And one more thing: he called it a “celebration of life…” with a dead body in the middle of the room – you couldn’t get more contradictory. That’s like having an open bar at a sobriety party. I had to laugh – and the moment I did, it was like a weight was lifted off of my chest. I began to notice even more incongruities: the first three letters in ‘funeral’ are ‘F-U-N,’ Kristie found joy in the happiness of others and, ironically enough, EVERYONE THERE WAS CRYING, and a stranger no one there had ever met sobbed uncontrollably into the microphone for five minutes, blubbering on about how he wished more people had known Kristie, while we wondered who the hell knew who that guy was.

In the face of tragedy was the moment I realized the power laughter has over our fears, stress, and sadness. But it shouldn’t come as such a shock: science has known this for some time now

A study from the University of Berkeley, bereaved widows and widowers able to laugh about their loss were observed to be happier, better equipped to deal with distress, and better socially adapted.

A study done at Kent State and reported in the American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Care revealed that humor was present in 85 percent of 132 observed nurse based visits. Amazingly, they found that 70 percent of the humor was initiated by the patient.

Humor provides us with relief, not by washing away bad feelings, but by activating them, along with positive ones, so that we can enjoy a complex emotional experience. Tragic circumstances are an effective breeding ground for humor because they provide the same release as horror movies, allowing the participants to confront their emotions head-on.       –Scott Weems (author of Ha! The Science of When We Laugh and Why)

How have you used humor in the face of tragedy? How have you helped others experiencing tragedy, trauma, or even just a bad day smile?

Each of us has had a “Christmas is going to be awkward this year,” lean into it and let yourself laugh.

 

When The Audience Doesn’t Laugh…

As a comedian, there are very few things that irk me more than when a comedian calls out the audience for not laughing at their joke. It makes me cringe – the audience wasn’t on your side to begin with, what makes you think yelling at them for not laughing is going to get them to want to laugh!?
Even if you hold a gun to my head, sure, I’ll “laugh,” but you better believe it’s not because you’re actually funny.
Saying something like, “That joke was funnier in my head,” is a good way to cut the obvious tension when you don’t get a laugh, but blaming the audience for being unfunny is a quick way to make sure no one laughs at your next joke.
I’ve made it a rule of thumb to never blame an audience when they don’t laugh at a joke because I don’t have control over what they think is funny. All I can do is rework the writing or performance aspect to make it funnier next time.
So what do I do when a joke dies in front of one audience with nary a giggle, but leaves another audience rolling the next day, even though I told it the same way (same wording, gestures, and timing)? It didn’t just make them laugh, I had to pause before continuing so everyone could compose themselves, I used it as a callback 40 minutes later and got another big laugh, and overheard audience members refer to the line and laugh following my performance.
My logic goes like this:
Joke bombs > rewrite joke/adjust timing and tone of joke > try new version
I’ve been telling the joke for a little over a year, and though it didn’t hit the first few times I told it, I followed my formula, fixed the set-up to make the punchline punchier, worked on my vocal tone, and adjusted my timing. For the last six months, the joke gets big laughs 8 out of 10 times, regular laughs 1 out of 10, and dies on the stage 1 out of 10.
If The Backstreet Boys were to put out a new album that everyone hates, they could still sing “I Want It That Way” at a concert and people would looooove it.
This joke is my “I Want It That Way.”
It’s my LeBron James on a team full of “I don’t know hims.”
It just works.
Until it doesn’t.
I wish I could say for sure why there’s a discrepancy.
I want to not blame the audience, but evidence is overwhelmingly pointed toward the fact that it’s a funny joke, so why is there the occasional audience that just blinks at me when I tell it?
I have so many questions.
Was there a difference in audience?
The joke I’m referring to is aimed at a human resources audience, and both days I was speaking to HR professionals, so the type of audience didn’t vary much.
Geography?
Located within 40 miles of one another.
Demographic?
I’m in Maine, so incredibly white.
Did I change anything?
I record myself every time I get on stage. Listening to the recording, I delivered the joke identically both times: word for word, pause for pause, and vocal variety for vocal variety.
What the hell, man?
Though I have no idea why the joke landed for one audience and fell flat for the other, it’s important that I remind myself not to put a gun to the audience’s head on this one.
All I know is that they didn’t laugh, and in the end, that’s perfectly okay. Sometimes people just aren’t on the same wavelength, and that’s not on them, it’s on you to say, “Well, that happened… what can I do with it?”
In this case, write a blog post, laugh about it, keep telling the joke, and that one time out of ten it doesn’t get the laugh, remember that I can’t win ‘em all and move forward. It’s a good reminder that variety makes things interesting.
Of course, there’s the ol’ stand-by of saying, “That joke was funnier in my head.” At least that will break the tension with a chuckle, and a chuckle is better than waving a pistol and yelling, “LAUGH, DAMMIT!”