Don’t Cancel, Question

If everyone had the same beliefs and the same things made everyone happy, what would the world look like?

It would decidedly not look anything like today’s world — in fact, I would argue that if everyone shared the same perspective, this planet would be painfully boring. No diversity of thought means the first idea would always be the best idea, which, without any form of challenge from others, could actually end up being the idea that kills everyone.

Nowadays, with everyone being so connected through the internet and social media, we have an opportunity to explore the incredibly diverse perspectives of people across the globe. Yet, it seems that whenever someone shares their ideology, those with other ideologies instinctively attack.

I’m guilty of it too.

From comedians making insensitive jokes, to far-right purists, to Black Lives Matter activists, to opinionated lesbian feminists, there is something to learn from each of these ideologies, but the moment we say “I disagree,” we miss out on the opportunity to make a connection. Each of these people experienced their own unique upbringing and have reasons for why they behave the way they do, but our basic human nature requires us to be social and work together with the group.

The way we’re nurtured drives us away from our human nature.

It’s in our nature to explore, try new things, and work together, but we’re conditioned to stay in our lanes, hold steadfast beliefs, and value individuality. It’s like our school system taught us how to be less human.

When I see an opinion that is unlike my own, I ask, “Why?” The other person must have a reason for why they see the world differently, so instead of insulting, disparaging, or ignoring them, I’m more interested in seeing from their point of view. At worst, learning from those who don’t believe like me will expand my worldview and help me build a stronger argument in favor of my ideology. In fact, one of the best ways to make our point is to be able to argue effectively from the opposite perspective. At the very least, it will put us on similar footing, which gives us a starting point upon which we can all agree.

For example, freedom of speech is a value held dearly by most Americans, from BLM protesters to right wing militias. But when BLM protesters are being arrested, gassed, and beaten by law enforcement for exercising their right to free speech, the “Don’t Tread On Me” folks are nowhere to be found. Freedom of speech doesn’t just refer to the opinions you agree with. Perhaps, with a shared agreement that all speech much be protected, these ideologically opposed groups can come together and start a dialogue with one another.

If everyone had the same beliefs, the world would have far less dialogue and way more monologue. We learn way more when we listen to others than when we parrot our own opinions, so if you disagree with this post, feel free to contact me and ask, “Why?” because I’d love to hear your perspective too.

Empathy: The Starting Point To Building A Better World

“You’ve gotta watch Breaking Bad. Watch a few episodes and it’s going to hook you.”

“What’s it about?”

“Walter White, a brilliant scientist turned chemistry teacher, gets diagnosed with cancer and starts cooking meth to pay for his treatment and support his pregnant wife and disabled son.”

“That’s not really my speed.”

My friend Scott recommends shows for me to watch all the time, and they’re usually great, so I decided to give Breaking Bad a go, even though the premise didn’t really appeal to me, but he was right: I sped through the first four seasons in about two weeks, and what really struck me was the fact that I was rooting for a man who would kill someone — even an innocent person — to “protect his family.” Why was I cheering on someone to ruin people’s lives with a drug that led to violence, greed, and the thirst for power? Why was I rooting against a well-intentioned DEA agent driven by justice to save people’s lives and get a dangerous drug off the streets? The answer: I saw myself in Walter White — not because I wanted to cook meth or murder my rivals (I like my rivals) — but because I, too, have had my back against the wall. I, too, have been doubted by even the people closest to me. So when Walter made the decision to end someone else’s life, I found myself conflicted internally because, even though I would never consider murder, I could understand what motivated Walter to do it.

And that’s something the world needs more of — not murder, but empathy. Being able to see the world through the eyes of people unlike yourself is the key to understanding why they do what they do. That’s why we love stories: we get to see the protagonist’s world through his or her eyes while rooting for them to overcome their adversities; and the well-written shows like Breaking Bad, Mad Men, or Dexter will have us rooting for the protagonist, even though he or she is willing to do some unsavory deeds to get ahead.

Now these are all fictional stories, but our capacity to empathize with the people in these shows and judge them based on why they do what they do, rather than what they do, is a skill we can use with people in the real world who are unlike us. To be able to see through the eyes of another, even if he is a diametric opposite, can help you communicate better, reach agreement, build a relationship, and even make you happier. Though you may not be willing to do what someone else has done, to be able to connect with why he does it is the first step to bringing unlike people together — a must in an increasingly connected world.

Whether you agree with me or not, chances are we both want to live better lives in a better world, and that is a great starting point for coming together and creating it.

The Best Lesson That Can Be Learned From Ferguson

One thing that our society is sorely lacking is something called acceptance. Not the acceptance where everyone is included or favorably received in a group, but acceptance of what is. In the Michael Brown case out of Ferguson, the only messages that have been spread are messages of blame, complaint, victimization, and hate. Acceptance of what is relies on living in the present moment and not allowing the past to create pain for the present and future. When we live in the past and try to figure out what or who is to blame, we do nothing to move forward. When we accept what is in the present moment, we can see what the most effective action will be, and in a state of acceptance, that usually begins with forgiveness. Some guy named Jesus once said, “Turn the other cheek.” This doesn’t mean “Let your attacker knock the snot out of you,” it means to stop resisting what has already transpired so that the now (which is really all there is) can be fully accessed and positive direction can be taken. Violence is a negative byproduct of resistance, and if we continue to resist what is, violence will continue. This shooting has nothing to do with violence between races, it has to do with resisting what is. By accepting, we initiate the process of taking action, initiating change, and achieving goals. Don’t focus on one of the 100 things that could happen, but instead focus on what can be done now to spread acceptance. I have developed an important statement that I live by if I sense myself starting to deny the present moment by resisting: “It’s not ‘what if?’ it’s ‘what now?'” What’s done is done and nothing can be done about it but to learn and grow from it. “What am I doing that I could be doing differently to bring about the results I want? What am I not doing that I could be doing to get a different result? When should I start this behavior? NOW.” Protesting won’t do anything. Blaming and complaining about corruption won’t do anything. No positive result is EVER achieved from a place of resistance. Only acceptance. By accepting what is, we are more likely to view our surroundings using different perspectives and, therefore, make more educated decisions. The goal is peace, right? So is what you’re thinking, doing, or saying bringing us closer to this goal? If you’re resisting, 100% hell no, it’s not. Accept. Ask “What now?” Learn. Grow. Create the future you want. There is a greater good hiding under every event. Find it and expand it by accepting. That’s all I have to say about this.