The Secret to Learning to Work Together With Others

There are five types of people living among us on Planet Earth. Each has their own place in our culture and should be respected for their perspectives:

1. People who like Creed

2. People who like Creed, but don’t like some of their songs

3. People who don’t like Creed

4. People who don’t like Creed, but like some of their songs

5. People who have never heard of Creed

The world is large enough for each of our perspectives, so it’s okay that everyone has their own Creed preference. Because someone doesn’t share your perspective doesn’t mean they’re wrong because to them, their perspective is perfectly fine. Instead of attacking someone else’s point of view when you disagree with them, you have an option that can help you come to a consensus and actually work together:

Ask questions

Just because someone blindly loves Creed doesn’t mean that’s the full story. There’s more to life than what we see on the surface – there’s more to the story than that. There has to be a reason why: upbringing, life experience, or a friend of a friend did crack with Scott Stapp. We don’t know unless we ask questions instead of making judgments. We all have a reason for doing what we do, and no matter who we are, we’re doing it because we think it will bring us the results we want, and the results we want are always happiness. We strive after money, success, power, or to listen to “My Sacrifice” on repeat because we think it’ll make us happy. Here are some questions that can create a connection, and who knows, if you ask the right questions and find value in learning about the other person, it may inspire the other person to ask you questions too.

· What is it about Creed that you love so much?

· What kind of life-changing moments have you had while listening to Creed?

· How has listening to Creed improved your quality of life?

· What did your parents teach you about music that inspired your love for Creed?

· Are there other bands you listen to that inspire the same feelings as Creed?

After displaying a genuine interest in the other person’s Creed interest, you have proven that you’re not challenging their perspective, and it’s now a good time to introduce them to other music. We don’t know what we don’t know, but by asking questions we can learn and grow our understanding of others. When you leave your arms wide open to other people and imagine them as human clay that can be inspired to mold themselves with the right prompting, the feeling can take you higher.


David Horning

http://www.davidhorningcomedy.com
http://www.tumblr.com/blog/horningcomedy
http://www.twitter.com/THEdavidhorning

How We Can Learn from Our Evolution

Have you ever read a book, watched a TED Talk, or heard a quote that made you take a step back and ponder the meaning of your existence? Check out this excerpt from Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind by Israeli historian Yuval Noah Harari:

“The evolution of animals to get to where they are on the food chain took hundreds of millions of years constantly checking and balancing so that one species wasn’t dominant. Humans jumped from the middle to the top in such a short time, ecosystems didn’t get much of a chance to evolve along with them. Moreover, humans also failed to adjust. Having so recently been one of the underdogs of the savanna, we are full of fear and anxieties over our position, which makes us doubly cruel and dangerous. Many historical calamities, from deadly wars to ecological catastrophes have resulted from this overhasty jump…”

If you’ve ever wondered why humans can be such dicks, it’s because we haven’t had time to mature yet! As a species, we’re still in the snapping bra straps, giving Indian rug burns, harassing people for being overweight phase of life while we’re at home worrying we’re not good enough, insecure about our own status as the cool kid. Still, that’s no excuse for the way we’ve been acting lately. We’re at the top of the food chain, and unless Earth is invaded by the Yautja species from the Predator movies, that’s never going to change… unless we decide to dethrone ourselves.

“Tolerance is not a trait of sapiens. In modern days, as simple a difference as skin color, dialect, and religion has been enough to prompt one group of sapiens to set about and destroy another group.”

Whoa.

We’re so worried about losing our spot as the coolest kid in class, we kill people who are different than us because they’re “threatening us.” It’s not politics, religion, or skin color that cause violent conflicts, these are surface issues. Deep down, it’s our evolutionary software telling us that everyone unlike us is trying to murder us.

The good news is that we reached the top of the food chain, not because we made weapons and killed all of the other predators, but because we developed a brain that allows us to learn from our mistakes and plan for the future, and we also learned to work as a team to overcome obstacles. Our physical adaptations worked against us so hard, that the only ways to adapt was using our brains to learn and plan and teamwork. Think about it:

· We have no fur to protect us from the cold

· We’re slower than most of our predators

· We can climb trees, but we’re not exactly great at it

· Our nails and teeth are barely butter-knife-sharp

· Our children aren’t self-sufficient until they’re basically teenagers, sometimes later

So how do we overcome our self-destructive behaviors?

Knowing that humanity is the greatest risk to humanity’s success is a great place to start. Whether it’s violence, greed, or a basic “I’m-better-than-you” mentality, these behaviors are a result of our hardwired insecurity. To overcome them, just like we overcame predators and unfriendly climates, we need to take full advantage of our evolutionary adaptations:

1. Learn from mistakes and plan for a better future

2. Work as a team to overcome obstacles

Though our insecurities lead to the differences dividing us, it’s these different perspectives, life experiences, and talents working in unison toward a common vision that will better our planet, better each other, and better our species as a whole.

IF WE CONTINUE ON THE “I’M RIGHT, YOU’RE WRONG” PATH, HUMANS ARE GOING TO KEEP FEELING THREATENED, AND WHEN HUMANS FEEL THREATENED, WE KILL EVERYTHING.

That’s just stating a historical fact.

Let’s learn from our past, imagine a better future, and work together right now to start making that happen because there’s no reason to feel insecure; we’re the cool kids around here and we aren’t moving down the food chain anytime soon.

Why Does This Keep Happening?

When you turn on the news, how do you feel?

When you think about how a human being can do something so barbaric, how does that make you feel?

When you hop on your social media and read people’s comments, what feeling does that create?

When you hear stories about the kindness, generosity, and heroic sacrifices of others, what do you feel?

Which of those feelings do you want to feel more of?

Is this going to be a blog post with only questions?

Allow me to answer that with a question: with so many people offering the same right/wrong, black/white, conservative/liberal opinions, wouldn’t it be nice to hear something different?

How can we bring more feelings of inspiration, love, abundance, joy, compassion, and meaning into the world?

What if each of us set out on our days to spread these feelings to others? What if we refocus our perspective of work, success, and life itself onto making the ultimate goal the spreading of those feelings?

What if, every day, we focused on bettering ourselves rather than being better than others?

What if, no matter the ideologies, opinions, and actions of others, we still responded with compassion and love?

How would your personal relationships be different?

Would your professional relationships become more personal?

What if we spent more time educating our children on kindness, working together, and understanding those different than us?

What if we were to measure our success by the number of people we serve?

What if we smiled more at strangers?

What if we accepted the imperfections of our humanity and laughed more at ourselves?

What if we looked at our differences in thought, belief, and action as opportunities to understand more about each other?

Would this make it easier to work together?

How could our different perspectives be combined to make the world a better place?

How would the world be different if we focused on solutions instead of the severity of problems?

If, every day, most people felt love, joy, compassion, abundance, inspiration and meaning, do you think they would want to inflict harm unto others verbally, emotionally, or physically?

What does that world look like?

How does that make you feel?

How can you share this feeling with everyone around you?

Can darkness exist where there is light?

Can fear, anger, bigotry, and hatred exist where there is love, compassion, understanding, and joy?

Does pointing out the faults of others show them how to grow?

Is fighting anger, hatred, and fear with anger, hatred and fear creating less anger, hatred, and fear?

What feelings does every human being strive for?

This keeps happening because we keep responding the same way. This has nothing to do with politics, being right or wrong, or even guns; it’s much more basic than all of these things. This has everything to do with being a human being, and the most human feelings we can feel are love, joy, compassion, understanding, freedom, kindness, and a desire to grow.

So what can you do to create those feelings within yourself?

What can you do, starting now, to inspire those feelings within others?

Start now. Share with others.

Let’s change the narrative and make the world and the people in it better together.

 

The Problem With Problems is the Problem

What’s 9+8?

This is a problem. In order to come up with a solution, we have to take the three components of the problem (the 9, the 8, and the +) and combine them in such a way that we discover the solution. Whether you use traditional arithmetic, Common Core (if that’s your thing), or some method involving stones, what matters is that you arrive at the solution.

Great! …but what’s the point?

I’m so glad you asked!

The point is that we didn’t spend time arguing over whether or not 9 and 8 were a good match and could be added together. We didn’t waste energy debating whether the plus sign was meant to be a symbol for ‘and’ or if it was meant to be a division sign. We didn’t turn the opportunity into a challenge over whether the government is being paid under the table by lobbyists to use the numbers 9 or 8 more frequently in math problems. We simply saw there was a problem and used our own individual methods for getting to the solution.

When we focus on solutions, we aren’t wasting precious time and energy focusing on what’s wrong, why it’s wrong, or how the other person’s method is wrong. We want to come to a solution, so that’s what what we focus our energy on in order to get what we want and move on to the next problem and find a solution for that.

What’s the Metaphor Phor For?

The problem: climate change

The solution: a clean environment with more efficient technology that makes our lives easier, healthier, and creates a positive economic impact

The problem: discrimination

The solution: a culture where people are genuinely interested in understanding those who are different; where acceptance, empathy, and a “help one another” mentality are the norm

The problem: a historically low number of people are happy or engaged by their work

The solution: hire David Horning to speak at your next conference, seminar, or meeting

Kidding.

The solution: a society where people are as excited about going to work as they are about drinking bloody marys with friends at Saturday brunch.

We could sit here and debate about our problems for hours, or we can choose to focus on what we want: solutions. Either way, we’re expending the same amount of energy, so wouldn’t it make more sense to focus that on what we want, rather then what we don’t? Instead of continually asking distracting questions like, “What’s wrong? Why is it wrong? Who’s to blame for it being wrong?” let’s start asking a question that shifts our focus toward creating solutions: “What do we want and what can we do to create it?”

Oh, yeah… the answer is 17.

Why Y Should Be Your Favorite Letter

What’s your favorite letter and why?

Y is a pretty good letter. It’s not the best letter – that distinction goes to ‘D’ – but that’s only because I’m psychologically predestined to be drawn to the first letter of my name more than the other 25 letters. You are too. (https://psychology.iresearchnet.com/social-psychology/self/name-letter-effect/)

Anyway…

There’s just something about Y that really gets me going. Why? Maybe it’s because one of my favorite books is Start With Why by Simon Sinek. Maybe it’s the fact that if the Village People were to make their song about staying at the MCA, no one would ever play it at weddings since no one wants to go to the Motor Club of America. But the true reason is far more metaphorical: y is adaptable.

A, E, I, O, U… and sometimes y.

Sometimes? Y just decided to be a vowel sometimes? Y apparently ain’t nobody’s bitch.

At some point in history, the letter people (not the ones from the show, just a group of people who decided to turn sounds into symbols to make blogging easier) probably got into a heated debate about the letter. Chances are, there was a war that broke out in order to determine whether or not y was a consonant or a vowel, and the war ended in a stalemate, so in order to compromise, both sides agreed that y could be both.

Y transcends categorization and so do we.

We have this habit of shoehorning ourselves into categories because they give us an identity and make us feel safe, but they also limit our potential. Are you right-brained or left-brained? Lucky or unlucky? An optimist or pessimist? Once we’ve shut ourselves into a box, it’s hard to see beyond the cardboard, and even if you cut an eyehole in the side, you’re still limited to what you can see. Want to know why Republicans and Democrats can’t see eye-to-eye? They’ve trapped themselves inside of their own ideological boxes and cut eyeholes looking in different directions, so it’s impossible for them to see the same reality as one another. When we’re children, we’re told what we’re good at and urged to pursue careers involving those talents, then we go through our lives saying we’re “accountants,” “teachers,” or “HR representatives,” and stick within the confines of our job descriptions. This goes against our biology. Like the letter y, we aren’t meant to be confined – we’re meant to develop a diverse set of skills and perspectives so we can live lives of constant expansion, filled with new experiences.

Think of a category within which you’ve confined yourself. How is it limiting you? What new identity can you embrace for yourself that crosses categorical lines and is expansive, rather than limiting? Here are a few suggestions:

  1. Creator – When you are confronted with a problem, you quickly shift focus from the problem to what actions you can take to create a solution.
  2. Innovator – You look at seemingly impossible situations and remain steadfast in your belief that a solution is not only possible, but probable by combining old ideas in new ways or by creating new ideas.
  3. Opportunist – You don’t waste any time thinking about whether the glass is half-full or half-empty; you take the glass to the sink and refill it.
  4. Leader – You inspire others to transcend their limiting self-perspectives by example and are focused on serving others in order to help them reach their potential.
  5. Learner – Every moment of every day is a chance for you to gain new knowledge and grow into a more rounded person.

How can you adopt one of these identities today?

Nothing in this world is as neat or tidy as the manmade categories we use to classify things, including the manmade categories we made to classify things to make them neat and tidy. It’s weird. This is why Y serves as a reminder that we are neither consonant or vowel; we are what we make ourselves out to be. The next time you’re on an awkward Tinder date and you get asked what your favorite letter is, tell them Y because you’d rather not stay at the Motor Club of America. You’re way more complex than a fixed self-identity – you’re a friggin badass, but sometimes it’s hard to tell when you’re trapped in a box, so shed your limiting identities and be more like the letter Y.

What’s Your Work Experience?

When you’re filling out a job application or updating your resumé, this is a question you have to consider. Your response is probably a list of previous jobs and brief descriptions that you think make you sound way better than how you would describe those jobs to a friend. Great. Now your prospective employer knows the version of your story you want them to know:

  • Provided quality customer service to customers
  • Accurately calculated ROIs for new company initiatives
  • Efficiently mopped

Looking back, however, what’s more important is your real work experience, or your experience of work. Think of the last job you had, what was your experience? Was it focused on making money to provide for yourself and your family? Was it centered around meeting and working with cool people? Were you there to give back to the community or fulfill a passion? Was it a positive, negative, or just “eh” experience? Was it filled with stress, dealing with impossibly difficult people, and a lack of motivation? Or was it enjoyable, filled with supportive people, and an inspiring, engaging environment? When we think of an experience, we think of something that happens to us or around us, when in reality, our experience is something we create for ourselves based on our perspective. If you work for an accounting firm because of the benefits, you’re going to have a different work experience than you would if you were there because you cared about your coworkers. Ask yourself, “What experience did I create for myself and others at work?” Then ask “How can I improve my current work experience, not only for myself, but for those around me too?”

One of my first days working at a restaurant in Cleveland, one of the people training me told me, “This place is bullshit. Get out while you can.” He was fired not too long after this and, according to him, the reason he was fired was, unsurprisingly, “some bullshit.” I have now worked there for over two years, but I know that if I were to spend it looking for “bullshit,” I’d find it and not enjoy the job like I have. Instead, I focus on providing guests and coworkers a fun, memorable experience by making my positive experience contagious. Though it isn’t my dream job, I have enjoyed every minute of it, all because of my conscious choice to mold my experience to make me and those around me better.

How can two people work at the same place and have two completely different experiences?

Imagine you’re a camera operator at a basketball game. You’re positioned along the baseline under the basket. On the opposite end of the court, a foul is called, resulting in boos from the home crowd and protests from the players. The TV broadcast then cuts to an instant replay from your camera’s angle to see what exactly happened, but because of where you were positioned, you didn’t get a clear shot of the incidental contact between players. However when the broadcast switches to another camera angle closer to the action, the foul becomes evident. Both cameras witnessed the same play, but each captured a different story.

The work experience you create is determined by what you choose to see. If you choose to see the “bullshit,” then it’s going to be tough to create a positive experience for yourself and the people you work with. If your focus is on creating a positive, rewarding experience, the “bullshit” will be harder to come by. What work experience did you create at your past jobs? What work experience are you creating for yourself at your current job? What kind of experience do you want to have? What can you do to change your experience into one that is enjoyable and fulfilling, but also supportive of those around you? Your call to action today is to assess your perspective of work, decide what type of experience you’d like to have, and take one step toward creating that experience for yourself.

Your experience depends on your camera angle, which determines your subsequent action, creating your result. I can’t imagine you wanting to be surrounded by “bullshit,” so create your work experience the way you want. The better your experience, the better the experience for those around you, and the better you perform.

5 Simple Steps to Show Your Team You’re on Their Side

Have you ever watched an episode of a soap opera, then, a few years later, tune into the same soap opera to find former friends as bitter enemies, former enemies as close allies, and former actors replaced with someone bolder and more beautiful? So goes the way of the soap opera. I suppose if you were to write an hour-long TV show that airs five days a week, you’d need to have your characters stab each other in the back, break alliances, and form new ones in order to keep things fresh. In the real world, however, if you want to be productive and keep your company on the air for over twenty years, backstabbing, withholding vital information, and working solely for personal gain isn’t going to do the trick. It doesn’t matter if you work at General Hospital or you’re located in Dallas, Knot’s Landing, or your zip code is 90210, a toxic culture will ensure turnover, decreased productivity, and a lack of passion. Whether you’re the CEO, HR director, or an accountant, if you consistently demonstrate that you’re willing to go out of your way to support your team, it will build their confidence, eagerness to produce, and inspire them to support those around them as well. If your workplace has developed a culture of support, your team can focus on what’s important, rather than be distracted by the ill intentions of others, and you increase your chances of success. Since we only have one life to live, we might as well live it to the fullest and transform work into something that excites us, so here are five simple ways to to demonstrate to your team that you’re there for them:

1. Create connections

You should probably see other people…
If there’s someone you work with who you aren’t very familiar with, make it a goal to learn five things about that person. Even better, take the time to learn about those who you don’t exactly see eye-to-eye with. Do they have kids? Pets? What are their names? What kind of things do they do together? What sort of hobbies do they have? What’s the coolest thing they’ve ever done? Learning about your coworkers will transform them from just another colleague to a real human with needs, desires, and passions. When you build a rapport with another person, it will be easier for you to take a step back and see yourself in them (but with different kids, experiences, and needs) through their humanity the next time you disagree on something. It also gives you a repertoire of conversation topics if you happen to get stuck on an elevator together.

2. Get excited about going the extra mile

You’re slogging through a looooong stressful day and the clock seems to be going backwards when suddenly, Janet from accounting knocks at your door and hands you a cup of coffee without you even asking. Even if you don’t drink coffee, this small action offers you a split second opportunity to reframe and refresh your situation because it communicates that someone cares about you. If you’re going out to pick up lunch, ask people if they would like anything. When you’re walking across the office to make copies, see if those around you need anything copied too. Distribute foot massages without expectation of reciprocation. Okay, maybe check with people before you crawl under their desks and start to remove their shoes, but the spirit of caring remains the same and can build goodwill between team members.

3. Smile

If someone had a rough morning with kids who don’t want to go to school, an argumentative spouse, or a coworker who doesn’t understand that “I don’t want a foot massage” means they actually don’t want a foot massage, a smile can go a long way. Simply making eye contact and sharing a genuine smile as you pass someone in the hallway can break up the snowball effect of a bad morning. Make it a habit to be happy to see everyone and others will be happy to see you.

4. Celebrate successes

Sure, it’s great to recognize the professional accomplishments of a team member, but to get the whole team invested in and excited for the successes of someone outside of work demonstrates that you care for their personal well-being too. Anyone can give a pat on the back for a job well done at the office, but to be interested in the success of someone outside of work bridges the gap between professional and personal relationships. It also gives them the internal inspiration to continue bettering themselves and to celebrate your personal successes too

5. Root for the home team

The people around us are the most important tool we have at our disposal. The beautiful thing about life is that we all have goals and, though some may be the same, we all have different reasons why we want to achieve these goals. A common misconception is that “there isn’t enough to go around,” however, this is blatantly false. We are wired to compete for resources so that we can survive to produce offspring and keep our species strong. The resource-abundant world in which we live has made this wiring obsolete, yet it still can rear its head and dominate our thinking: “He didn’t deserve that promotion, I did!” If, instead of competing for superiority, we worked together to make each other better, we would tap into a resource we don’t have at our disposal if we decide to fly solo: a supportive teammate. Focus on achieving your goal, but if the opportunity arises to share information, resources, or connections with others, don’t hesitate to do so. This has the potential to establish a supportive relationship that can flourish even more in the spirit of mutual growth. Disclaimer: be sure you aren’t working against yourself; the goal is to be constantly working to better yourself and those around you. In addition to being wired to compete, human beings are also wired to reciprocate; an evolutionary trait that won’t become outdated anytime soon. By shifting the focus away from being better than those around you, you can use that energy to focus on bettering yourself and those around you, a focus that can pay exponential dividends in the long run.

Word of the Week: Inspire

Inspire: (Verb) To fill with an animating, quickening, or exalting influence. (source: dictionary.com)

“Inspire” is much more than just a word; it’s a call to action. Most of our days are filled with self-gratification: going to work to get paid, going to dinner with friends to have fun, going to the bar to get lit, etc. With each and every interaction with another person, we have an opportunity to inspire them, but we often miss it because we have become conditioned to find what they can do for us. It’s awfully hard to inspire someone when you’re trying to get something from them. Don’t think of the word “inspire” as creating some magical moment where fireworks explode in the sky and choirs of angels belt out Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus. To inspire someone can be as simple as inspiring them to smile or feel good about themselves. You need not give away your savings or spend an exorbitant amount of time or energy to do it; all it takes is a conscious effort to make someone’s day better. When I approach a new person, no matter what, I put a smile on my face. Even if they’re in a contentious state of mind, it will catch them off guard. Last night, I was at Starbucks, getting my late-night caffeine fix, but no one was behind the counter. After waiting five minutes, a frazzled-looking barista appeared from around the corner, apologizing profusely for making me wait, as if I was about to scold her. I smiled and said, “Don’t apologize, I’m good. Besides, waiting is a state of mind.” She smiled and I could see the tension in her shoulders subside. We went on to have a pleasant conversation about how cascara wasn’t the person who sang Everytime We Touch. What she didn’t know is that I snuck around the display case and took three cake pops, but it’s my hope that the next time she has to wait in line for something, she’s inspired to have patience. (I’m kidding about the cake pops, by the way… I took four).*

Because it’s a verb, when we tell ourselves to “inspire others,” we picture ourselves actually doing something to inspire them. In order to inspire, action must be taken and there is no limit to the actions you can take to inspire someone. My life’s purpose is to inspire others to see the bigger picture and laugh, which is why every day I’m working on learning more about how we use our minds, creating a new character, writing a new performance bit, making a video, or performing in front of others. I’ve made inspiration the purpose of my career, and I wake up every morning, excited to inspire someone else to be better. This mindset has completely changed the way I perceive work, and turned a job into my mission.

How did you feel the last time you inspired someone? Made them smile? Strengthened their self-perception? Built their trust? Inspired them to learn and apply something new? Remember how great it felt – that warmth in your heart, the flood of happiness in your brain, and the feeling of connection with the other person. We’re a social species – it’s arguably the most important trait we have, which is why it feels so good when we’re able to shine a light on someone else’s day.

It’s fairly simple: people don’t remember what you say or do, they remember how you make them feel. Leave everyone you encounter better off than you did when ran into them. How can you inspire someone this week? When interacting with others, ask yourself, “Am I inspiring this person with my actions?” At the end of each day, write down at least one way you inspired a coworker, boss, customer, family member, friend, or stranger and keep looking for opportunities to do so. When we set out to inspire, we give our lives meaning by working toward something bigger than ourselves, we engage our minds, and most importantly, we inspire others to inspire others. Pretty inspiring, eh?

*Disclaimer: No cake pops were stolen in the writing of this blog.

Create Your Year

Happy New Year, everyone! It’s a brand new blog post for a brand new year! Enjoy =)

What does a year mean to you? A year in the past, some year in the future, or this year, each means to us what we decide for it to mean. The story we tell ourselves about our year and how it impacted, is impacting, or will impact us is really what determines our perception of that year, not the year itself. We’re all excellent storytellers in this way. Think of your favorite movie, play, or TV show. Each and every one of these stories has several stories contained within it. Individual characters each have a story they’re telling themselves about their lives and the situations they find themselves in. “I’m going to avenge the death of my father,” is the result of one character telling himself a story about loss, anger, and vengeance. It’s not the death of his father that inspire his actions, it’s the story he tells himself about the event. This story is different from the person who actually committed the murder: “He needs to be killed to keep me and my family safe.”

When we say, “F you, 2016,” and sit behind a computer, telling ourselves a story about how bad the year was for us, we miss out on the potential to tell a story centered around opportunity. When we look at past years, months, weeks, days, or moments, we can create something that grows us, rather than something that confines us to a singular choice. It all begins with the question: “In what ways was this experience an opportunity?” Which can very easily inspire follow-up questions such as, “What did I do well?” “What can I get better at?” “What are some things I learned that I can use, knowing what I now know?”

When we look at future years, it’s self-defeating to say, “I hope this is going to be a good year,” because the year itself has no control over how your year goes. That’s like blaming your ex-girlfriend’s apartment for the fact that she broke up with you while you were both inside of it. True, events are going to happen outside of our control, but it’s our response that determines what happens next, or whether it’s a “good” or “bad” year. For you to have a “good” year, what would have to happen? What does it look like? What goals would you have to achieve?

Now, look at this year, month, week, day, or moment and say, what can I do in this timeframe, knowing what I learned from the past to create what I want in the future? No matter what obstacles, roadblocks, or tragedies mar your path, an awareness of how to consciously take a step back, assess your past, future, and present to tell a more helpful story will help ensure your power over an arbitrary unit of time created by our ancestors to learn when to plant crops. Create your year. Create your day. Create your moments. Create your story. Create your life.

 

What if YOU’RE the Douchebag? (And How to Stop)

“I don’t understand why people are being such douchebags to me today. It’s pissing me off!”

I work a couple of nights a week at a restaurant and last night, one of the servers came up to me with a scowl on his face with plenty to say about how he felt he was being treated by a table.

I get it; sometimes we have to deal with some downright miserable people who snap at us to get our attention, who use sarcasm when sarcasm isn’t necessary, or who are just downright rude. Truth: they all exist and we’re sharing the world with them, but guess what? You have no control over their douchiness, but you DO have control over yours.

“But I’m not a douchebag. I’m a good person!”

Do you think the people being douchebags refer to themselves as douchebags?

Of course not! They think they’re good people. In fact, maybe they think YOU’RE the one being the douchebag.

“But THEY’RE the one being the douche! Not me!”

I understand. I’ve been there too. But because our focus is so stuck on THEIR doucheliness, it makes it harder to realize the impact of our own behavior. Maybe they started it, but it’s our response that determines how the situation plays out.

I used to think other people were douchebags, but this made me angry, and I don’t like it when I’m angry. Instead of becoming hostile, I accept their douchism and respond with calm, understanding acceptance. Okay, so they were rude to you, but getting pissed off about it only adds more douchiness to the world. If you don’t want other people to get their douche on you, do your part and don’t spread YOUR douche around.We’ve all had bad days – at one point or another we’ve all been the douche – so realize that something happened to evoke this douche-tastic behavior when someone else is douching everywhere, and let the douche spew roll right off of you. What they need is an understanding smile and the realization that you’re on their side, not a reason to turn up the douche.

After all, we can only control how we respond, so think about it in this way:

The next time you think “What a friggin douche-turd! He shouldn’t be such a douche to me,” re-frame the thought to put yourself back in control of your response.

  1. I shouldn’t be such a douche to myself
  2. I shouldn’t be such a douche to him

Now think about the opposite of douchiness: kindness.

  1. I should show kindness to myself
  2. I should show kindness to him

The person may continue to have a douche-gasm, but remember, you can only control YOUR response and their behavior has no control over you unless you allow it to happen.

If someone else is having a bad day, don’t get in their way so you have a bad day too – maintain self-control, and have some understanding that we’re each doing the best with what we know. Unfortunately, all some people know is how to be a douchebag.

Don’t be that person.