I Was Going to Post to My Blog, But…

…There’s a cat on my lap, and when there’s a cat on my lap, nothing gets done.

It’s not that like the cat pins me down and forbids me from typing, I just choose not to work when there’s a cat on my lap.

Then I blame it on the cat.

It’s definitely the cat’s fault that I didn’t type my 1,000 words today.

It’s not like I can type over him.

Every time I try to type, he attacks my fingers.

I’ve had to delete and re-type this line seven times for that reason.

There’s nothing I can do about this cat on my lap.

This is all on the cat.

I couldn’t go to the comedy show because of the cat.

I know I said I was going to come, and I know you were counting on me to perform, but when I sat down for seven seconds to check my email on my way out the door, guess what happened?

Cat. Lap.

And you can’t stand when there’s a cat on your lap because he needs to be pet.

Calm down! I know I ruined your show, and I’m sorry

I get that you’re mad. – I’d be mad too – but you didn’t have a cat on your lap.

If you did, that means you’d probably be at my house, which means you wouldn’t have gone to the show either, which means you have no room to talk.

And I couldn’t even answer the emails anyway!

There was a cat on my lap.

The cat found the cursor on my computer screen and I discovered that I’m distracted by cats chasing computer cursors.

I know there was a deadline, but I have a disease where I physically cannot focus on sending emails when there’s a cat on my lap.

It isn’t diagnosed.

I don’t have a doctor’s note.

Because I couldn’t get to the doctor’s office, since there was a cat on my lap, but that proves that it’s a real thing.

And it’s why I’m just now sending a time-sensitive email, three days too late.

Again, not my fault.

Blame Wright Catterson.

That’s not my cat’s name.

Or maybe it is.

I never asked.

I just gave him an arbitrary name without asking him what his actual name is.

I’ve actually been wanting to adopt a cat for forever because I have an overwhelming mice infestation, but I never got around to it.

There was a cat on my lap.

When there’s a cat on your lap, it makes it hard to adopt a cat in the first place.

Especially a cat who would rather chase a computer mouse instead of actual mice.

YOU try to get a cat when there’s a cat on your lap being hilarious.

You can’t, so as a result, you get mice.

This is how the world works when you have a cat on your lap.

Wait a minute…

If I need to get a cat, then how is there even a cat on my lap in the first place?

There is no cat.

…I don’t have a cat.

I’ve never even owned a cat.

I’m not even sure how to pronounce “cat.”

The only reason I know how to spell it is because Microsoft Word didn’t give it the red underline.

The only reason I know that cats even exist is from cat videos on Facebook.

Which means, it was never the cat at all… it was me the whole time.

What a twist!

But wait a minute… that means…

I was the one attacking my own fingers.

I wasn’t petting a cat, I was petting myself

I was the one spending hours chasing the cursor.

I’m the one named Wright Catterson!

IT WAS ME THE WHOLE TIME!

And I was making excuses instead of doing what I needed to do to get what I want!

Oh man, what a waste of three months.

…And I blamed it all on that stupid cat that I made up…

That means I have reframe this with some new self-talk:

“What do I want?

What does it look like?

What am I telling myself that’s stopping me?

How is it stopping me?

What’s something new I can do?

What’s 1 action I can take to move me closer to what I want?

Now go do it, Wright Catterson!”

Do the same thing when you have a “cat” on your lap.

Because excuses don’t exist.

…And neither does my cat.

 

Let Loss Propel You Forward

In our lives, we experience love and loss – it’s inevitable. What isn’t inevitable is the growth that can come from even the worst of times. It isn’t about suppressing our emotions when something unexpected happens, it’s about leaning into those emotions and using the momentum to find ways to learn and grow from the loss. I’ve recently experienced loss, and I thought I would share what I’ve had to go through to become a better person because of it.

My JBL Bluetooth speaker is gone.
It wasn’t by my choice, although I suppose my choices led up to the moment it was taken from me.
And now I can’t get over this feeling of loss…
Of despair…
Of regret…
Sure, I could’ve left it locked away in the trunk of my car, but a speaker with that depth of sound quality deserves to be free, to experience the world as it was meant to be experienced.
It deserved to left on top of my car to experience the feeling of wind, the warmth of the sun, the chill of the rain.
Something that beautiful should never be locked away.
You were small, but your sound… your sound was enough to fill a room.
And you played it all without question… because music was your life.
I want to hear you sing again.
To tell jokes again.
Hell, I want you to turn off on your own when I need you during a presentation again – you had a real habit of doing that.
But you can’t.
I just… I just want to feel your cylindrical  shape in my hand again.
I want to be in one end of my house with you in the other, singing away, making it feel like you’re right beside me.
I want to see “JBL Flip 2” appear on my list of Bluetooth options and know that my Macbook will connect to you since you’re within range.
You were unlike any Bluetooth speaker I had ever owned, because I had never owned another Bluetooth speaker.
You were the one – it wasn’t supposed to end like this.
But you were taken.
Stolen.
Who knows where you are now, or if you’ll even get this, but I miss you.
I stopped listening to music altogether.
When I hear other speakers, they just make me think about what we had, and I weep.
Dad says I’ll be okay.
He says you were “just a speaker.”
To some, sure.
But to me, you were more than “just a speaker.”
You were a part of my life.
And you know you never forget your first.
It’ll take time.
I’m not ready to get out there and try other speakers, so I just ordered a cheap Chinese replacement.
My mail order speaker should be arriving soon, but it won’t be the same.
I hope I’ll learn to listen again – and soon.
Listen, I know I’m better because of you and I should focus on that.
What you taught me in all of those audiobooks and podcasts… you’ve made me grow.
I learned so goddamn much from you, and for that, I’m incredibly grateful.
You’ll live on through me.
And together, with my new Chinese partner, our story will be told, and the world will be better because you were in it.

I’ll make sure of it.

The Real Reason You Should Boycott Starbucks

“Welcome to Starbucks, what can I get for you?”

“Grandé soy milk latté. No whip.”

The familiar gurgly whir (that’s the noise it makes, right? A gurguly whir?) of milk being steamed commenced as I waited in anxious anticipation for my beverage, served in the familiar, festive cup I’ve come to expect this time of year.

“David?”

Finally.

But I stopped when I saw it sitting on the counter. Something was amiss. “Oh… I’m sorry but my cup is red.”

“Yeah. It’s our holiday cup this year.”

Holiday cup?” I could feel the blood rising to my face. How dare they call my blank red cup a “holiday” cup. There was nothing holiday about it. “To which holiday do you refer?”

“Christmas.”

There it was. I went from irritated to infuriated.

“Christmas? Christmas!? What about your brown Thanksgiving cups!? What happened to those?”

“We’ve never had-”

“Oh, you’re a liar now? You’ve never had my ass! Every year, come November, I look forward to coming into Starbucks, ordering a coffee, and getting it in a brown paper cup. What is wrong with the world!?”

The barista had no answers for me. Neither did the police officers who removed me from the premises. That’s why I’m boycotting Starbucks. That’s why you should boycott Starbucks too. It’s an absolute outrage.

Last time I checked, Thanksgiving was a holiday. Last time I checked, Thanksgiving falls in November and Christmas in December. Last time I checked, no pilgrims died to celebrate Christmas. The pilgrims came to this country just to share a meal with the Native Americans and you, Starbucks, have the nerve to call these red cups “holiday” cups!? The real holiday is Thanksgiving!

I said nothing two years ago when Starbucks removed the black pilgrim hat lids from their Thanksgiving cups. Last year, when they did away with the Indian headdress cup accessory, I did nothing. But this? This is too far! They’re not even allowed to say, “Happy Thanksgiving!” They told me to “Have a nice day.” Tell me, Starbucks, if the pilgrims were alive today and came into one of your stores, how do you think they would feel if you handed them a red cup instead of a brown one? Let that sink in.

The cornucopia decorations have been replaced by holly, faux snow, and snowmen. I’m hearing “Deck the Halls,” “Carol of the Bells,” and “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” instead of the cheery melodies of Thanksgiving carol classics such as “Away in a Mayflower,” “The Little Injun Boy,” and “The Pilgrim Who Died of Hypothermia.” The festive flavors of mashed potato mochas, green bean lattés and turkey hot chocolates have gone missing in favor of peppermint, gingerbread, and eggnog. Something is very wrong with this picture, so here is my call to action:

BOYCOTT STARBUCKS

And if you do go to Starbucks, tell them your name is Happy Thanksgiving. They have to write it on your cup. That’ll show them! How dare they belittle my pilgrim ancestors! How dare they minimize the reason for the season! How dare they take the Thanksgiving out of Thanksgiving! Join me in starting a movement! Tweet out #happythanksgivingstarbucks. Wear your buckle hats and bring your bows and arrows into Starbucks to offend them. Don’t be politically correct, just be correct.

Oh yeah, and HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Now That’s What I Call Everything

NOW

NOW. Is that what I call music or is it the word my parents would use emphatically so I would get off my ass and do something? Now is both and it’s so much more. Now is so much more than three letters or the title of a never-ending music compilation that started in the 90s. Now is like pi: infinite and ever changing. Now is everything. Now is all we have. If you want to make a change, the best time to do it is always now. Life is just an infinite series of nows. Now was yesterday’s tomorrow. Now is tomorrow’s yesterday. Now is when I am writing this blog. Now is when you’ll be reading it. My initial subconscious response to, “I need to write a new blog post,” was, “Just do it tomorrow!” which is silly considering it will never be tomorrow, but it will always be now. If I had a dollar for every time I put something off until tomorrow and didn’t end up doing it at all, I’d be wearing a smoking jacket in an expensive, wood-paneled study, swirling a 21-year old single malt around a snifter, and dictating every word of this blog to my loyal manservant Javier. I don’t know any Javiers, which means there’s no reward for putting off taking action. Other than our thoughts, the most powerful tool we have is right now. This very moment, you, me, the lady next to me drinking a peppermint hot chocolate, the president of the United States, the homeless guy begging for change next to the 50th Street 1 Train station, Elon Musk, and the inmate on death row have the same opportunity: to make the most of now. The biggest obstacles to making the most of now are yesterday and tomorrow; past and future; what happened and what could happen.

Out of the Now and Into the Past and Future

       Time is such an abstract concept that don’t even try to wrap my head around it. What I know about for sure is the power of right here, right now. To dwell on past or future is to cost ourselves the opportunity of the present. When I was in Tennessee last week, I met a very pretty girl at a restaurant. We had a fun, lengthy conversation about food and bourbon (two of my favorite things), said our goodbyes, and parted ways. The entire time, a little voice in the back of my head was whispering, “Ask her for her number,” but every time, I responded, “There’s no way she’s going to give it to you – you’re only here for two days.” The next night, fate decided I should have a second chance, so she came running across the room at a random bar, hugged me, and struck up a conversation. Here was my train of thought:

“Dude, get her number!”

“What if she says no? Besides, you’re leaving after your presentation tomorrow anyway. There won’t be an opportunity to hang out.”

She went back to her friends and we continued on with our nights, but as I put on my jacket to leave, she came back and asked what I was doing the next day. She was giving me every opportunity to get her number, but my head was too in the future to notice:

“It’s getting late and I’ll be so tired tomorrow morning if I stick around. Plus, she probably doesn’t even like you.”

I explained to her that I had to drive an hour for my presentation the next morning, but she gave me another opportunity: “I’m off work tomorrow, maybe I’ll come watch you perform.”

In case you lost track, she had given me at least four opportunities to get her phone number, including the previous night. At this point, I had to ask her, right?

“That’s a long drive just to see me present. Plus, it’s early in the morning and I’m leaving right from there to go back to Ohio.”

Facepalm.

If I had a dollar for every time I have facepalmed myself while thinking about this exchange, I’d be wearing an invisibility cloak and hunting endangered lions on the plains of Africa while dictating every word of this blog via cranial implant to my loyal manservant Javier. I don’t know any Javiers, so it’s obvious that kicking myself over past events isn’t exactly moving me toward lavish, morally questionable safaris. In that moment, I was subconsciously basing my decision not to get her number on past situations where I had failed to get phone numbers and had my ego bruised, and also on a potential future situation that wasn’t guaranteed to happen. How could I know whether or not she’d give me her number? Instead of being in the now and listening to what my subconscious was telling me to do, I was stuck thinking about what could happen instead of what was actually happening. We became Facebook friends (a consolation prize), hugged, and parted ways. Instead of taking control, I shifted my consciousness out of the moment and put control over the situation into her hands. As I left, I remember thinking to myself, “I hope she comes tomorrow.” She didn’t, and it was because I chose to live in the past and future instead of living in the moment. Was she really trying to give me a cue to get her number? I can never know for sure, but I do know I can learn from this and stop facepalming myself when I think about it.

Stop Facepalming Yourself

       Fun fact about facepalms: if done properly, they hurt. Facepalming is painfully metaphorical for what happens when we live in the “what-ifs” of the past and future. When I think “What if?” in regards to this phone number situation, I imagine all the fun I could’ve had with a pretty cool girl, thus leading me to another mental facepalm:

“David, you’re so stupid. You should’ve asked for her number and invited her to your presentation. It could’ve been so fun! Instead you had to be a big IDIOT and leave!”

When I talk to myself using this tone, it doesn’t exactly generate any warm, fuzzy feelings. What this self-talk is actually doing is taking me out of the moment – the same thing that happened at the bar. When we spend now dwelling on past what-ifs, shouldas, and could’ve-beens, and future what-ifs, that-won’t-works, and I-can’ts, we take our attention away from the what-can-I-do-nows. There’s nothing wrong with thinking about the past or future as long as it’s working in your favor now. Past events are opportunities to learn from and positive possible future events act as goals. Right now is an opportunity, but so are past events and future goals.

The past is just a series of former nows that we can use to learn from in

The present. Because decisions we made in past nows have led to now, that can only mean what we do now creates

The future. Just like now was yesterday’s future, tomorrow’s future is also going to be now. Yet another opportunity.

Take what you learned from past nows, do something now, and in future nows, learn from what you do with your current now and keep taking action. The next time I’m faced with a situation like I was in Knoxville, I’m going to re-direct my thoughts to the opportunity of now and do something about it. No more facepalms. Just NOWs.

What About Now?

       The next time you feel angry, sad, stressed, tired, self-conscious, nervous, etc., check your thoughts. Chances are they’re focused on the past or future and not the opportunity you have available to you now. Try it the next time you’re stuck in traffic and thinking about your boss yelling at you for being late or all of the things you could be doing, realize you’re missing out on now. The next time you’re about to give a big presentation and thinking about forgetting parts, getting laughed at, or failing to make the impact you want on your audience, realize you’re missing out on now. The next time you have an opportunity to ask someone out on a date, but you’re thinking about how they might say no and looking foolish, realize you’re missing out on now. Catch these thoughts and say, “Yeah, but what can I do now? How can I make now the best now until the next now?” Isn’t it silly to think, “I can’t wait until the next time I’m bored, pissed off, or way too nervous to do something,”? By leaving the now we make these outcomes inevitable. What do you have? All that exists in your life right now. Now ask, “How can I transform now into what I want?”

If I had a dollar for every time a past now led up to my present now, I would have the exact dollar amount I do right now, sitting in a Starbucks typing on my Macbook about my hypothetical manservant Javier while the song “This Moment” by Janine and the Mixtape coincidentally plays over the speakers (Seriously. You can’t write this stuff. Okay universe, I’m listening). This is my now. How can I make it the best now until the next now?

Trisha McGovern Reviews: Chipotle

Being longtime pizza purveyors, my family and I decided to order some from this neighborhood pizza place, if you can even call it that. This is Trisha McGovern here with another review, this time, I take on the Italian establishment, Chipotle. If you want to wait four hours for your pizza and then never get it, this is the place for you. Wanting an authentic taste of Italy in the comfort of our own home, we decided to indulge in the sensational flavors of fresh tomato sauce, crispy, flaky crust, and melty cheese. What we got was none of this. I placed my initial order at around 6:30 on a Friday night, so I understand if they’re busy, but by 8:00 we hadn’t received our pizza. When I called back to vent my frustrations, the girl who answered said, “We told you when you were ordering that we don’t serve pizza, but you wouldn’t listen.” This is a blatant lie! Not only was my pizza getting cold (if they even made it in the first place), but they were accusing me of not listening when they were the ones who didn’t listen. I placed my order a second time: large pepperoni, extra cheese, and thin crust, and expected to get a second pie for free for the inconvenience. Not only did I waste another two hours of my time, I never got the pizza! By this point, my twin four year old boys, Weymouth and Bellus, were getting fussy because they were hungry. I had to feed them wet paper towels thanks to this disgrace of a family pizza place. The Chipotle family should be ashamed of themselves, disgracing the long-standing reputation of an Italian heritage. When I called again, they refused to refund our bill because I “never ordered anything” so they “never charged us any money,” which is the poorest of the poor excuses as to why we shouldn’t get our money back. When I asked to speak with a manager, the manager I spoke to explained that they were out of pepperoni, mozzarella, marinara, and crust, and that they don’t deliver. After waiting so long, it would have been nice for someone to come over and tell us personally that they don’t deliver, but it seems as though customer service is dead today. Not even a free cannoli. We won’t order from here again and I told all of my friends about my horrible experience that ruined my weekend and my love for pizza. This place is the worst. If I could give negative stars, I would.

1 star

People Who Chew With Their Mouths Open Can Fall Down Stairs

Assuming they don’t get seriously injured – I don’t want anyone to really get hurt, I just want them to learn a lesson. I’ve been sitting next to a girl who has been smacking her lips for a good ten minutes. Apparently she’s eating the biggest muffin in the world. Either that or it continually re-generates (Future business idea: The Infinity Muffin). Regardless, she has been chewing, pretty much nonstop the entirety of our time together. Now that I’ve accepted that this is my current reality, I can appreciate it. Rather than getting on my nerves, she’s making me laugh. Little does she know, she has inspired me to write her as a comedic device as a background character in a future scene, annoying our protagonist as he sits in a library doing important research. She just choked a bit on her muffin. Hilarious. Maybe she’ll learn her lesson and stop eating the muffin. Damn. Another bite… Anyway, if we allow ourselves to be annoyed by something, we miss the opportunity to get a positive experience out of it since we’re focusing on what we don’t like. HOW DOES THIS MUFFIN STILL HAVE SO MUCH MUFFIN LEFT!?

A CatCall to Action

Screen Shot 2014-11-13 at 3.58.48 PM
The term “catcalling” has taken center stage on social media lately, but it has nothing to do with the fact that Snowball isn’t very good at answering the phone, like I originally pictured. A video surfaced about two weeks ago, showing a conservatively dressed girl walking through New York City being hollered at by men on the street. “Hey beautiful,” “God bless you mami,” and lots of iterations of, “Dayum!” are some examples of the catcalls hurled at the girl. Catcalling, AKA street harassment (which sounds way more dramatic), can be an uncomfortable experience for anyone. First off, I don’t want this post to be misconstrued as me supporting catcalling. I’ve never used it (although I say hi to people on the street all the time) and I think people who do use it need a lesson in manners (sheesh, I sound like my mother). Catcalling is disrespectful, inappropriate, and, “Dat ass tho,” should never be used as a formal greeting. What this video does is raise awareness of the problem, but it is also self-defeating, and I will explain why by diving into the flaws of our social sciences – the lens through which we’re conditioned to see the world.

Social science (psychology, political science, cultural anthropology, sociology, etc.) is founded on the principle that the environment is the driving force behind why we do what we do. As a result, the last century and a half have been founded on a system that is really good at exposing wrongs, but has a hard time with proposing solutions. As a result, we miss out on the individual actions we can take when something we can’t control (like someone else’s unacceptable behavior) happens to us. When we focus on how other people have wronged us, we take the role of the victim and give power over our lives to those people. In this case, it completely nullifies the purpose of the video. Instead of coming up with a solution, we instead stay stuck on how bad the situation was or is. When this happens, the proposed remedies are always centered on the principle of fixing things by banning something so it never happens to anyone ever again. But when has banning something ever really worked? Prohibition? Gay marriage? The war on drugs? Freedom of speech? Just a few examples of bans that have crashed and burned wonderfully. These examples are focused on stopping the problem rather than creating an effective solution.

The way social sciences are set up creates a culture of blame instead of one of problem solving. Need proof? Just watch C-SPAN for ten minutes and you’ll see political science in a nutshell: it’s always the other team’s fault. So this video exposes the wrongs of catcalling, but it does nothing to propose a solution. If we want to make a difference with anything, we must focus on the solution instead of the problem. People who catcall do it every day and probably have no idea that what they’re doing is rude, and that, “How you fit all that in dem jeans?” can be interpreted as, “I’m surprised your pants fit, fatty.” Not exactly the same as, “Lovely weather we’re having,” right? So instead of saying, “Hey, we’re exposing this bad thing, now let’s ban it,” why don’t we educate the catcallers on the proper way to treat others? Instead of telling the perpetrators to stop, why don’t we replace it with something more positive and productive? Empower yourself and others by presenting a positive solution instead of victimizing yourself by focusing on the problem. This way, when someone comes up to you on the street and says, “Have a nice afternoon,” he means it, and we don’t immediately become the victim of a guy who simply wants you to enjoy your day.

You Are the Writer of Your Own Life

Breaking News: You Have Been Given Full Creative Control Over Your Life!

As someone who received a Bachelor’s Degree in political science and wanted to pursue a dream in comedy writing, I had to train myself on how to write scripts – screenplays, TV scripts, sketches, etc. As I researched and wrote, I realized that the characters I was writing were rather robotic and way too similar too each other. So I began reading books on psychology and why people do the things that they do. What I discovered is that there are undeniable parallels between writing a strong script and life itself. As a writer, I have the ability to create characters and put them in situations where they must grow and achieve what they want in order to tell a well-rounded story. I have full creative control over what they say, do, and think. When I really analyzed this, I realized that I also have control over what I say, do, and think. In fact, all of us do. We’re the writer in charge of our own lives. We decide the ending and what it’s going to take to get there. So get ready to pick up a pen and start brainstorming because you have been given full creative control over the script that is your life. You know the phrase, “The pen is mightier than the sword.” Well, figuratively speaking, that little stick of ink (or feather quill – which is what I hope you’re imagining), is the most powerful weapon in your arsenal. We have full control over whether the protagonist, you and me, saves the kingdom, wins the championship, falls in love, learns and grows, and has a happy ending. Or do we write a flat script with a stagnant protagonist that no audience would pay a penny to see produced? In this piece, I take five of the steps for writing a good script and turn them into five steps for writing a great life for ourselves. We have full creative control over our lives, so why would we choose to write anything other than the best? I’m going to show you how to write the life that you want:

1.) Research

As a writer, you don’t just begin writing a script without learning how to write a script. If you write a screenplay with no structure, it’s going to suck no matter how good the idea was. Life is the same way: if you don’t know how to live before you live, your life is going to suck, no matter how good your ideas are. This means learning about ourselves, including our psychology (our thoughts, conditioning, and emotions), our bodies (nutrition and exercise), our spirituality (meditation and prayer), and interpersonal relationships. If we don’t, we go through life letting our thoughts run on autopilot and we fall victim to our emotions, our bodies weaken and break down and we fall victim to sickness and fatigue, we fail to maintain meaningful relationships without conflict and we become spiteful and untrusting of others, and we never discover ourselves and our callings. There are thousands of books, documentaries, and online articles available that cover all of this thoroughly so this vital information for our everyday lives is very easy to access. Instead of “researching” Mila Kunis’ relationship with Ashton Kutcher, who is rumored to be in the new Star Wars movie, or a video of a toddler hugging a chicken, why not research ourselves? You wouldn’t trash your new car if you plan on driving it for the next ten years. You’re going to be together with yourself every day for the rest of your life, it’s probably a good idea to figure out how to make things run as smoothly as possible. I wouldn’t write a script about a congressman without doing research on how being a congressman works. You shouldn’t write your script without doing research on living a life worth living either.

2.) Brainstorm

This is my favorite stage of writing. It’s when I unleash my creativity without censoring myself or worrying how everything will work. I simply let loose. It’s when I’m in touch with myself most and I value that time because I know many people who don’t know who they truly are. Sometimes hours fly by without me even realizing until they’re long gone. Conversely, sometimes I worry about how I’m going to do something for so long that I miss the opportunity altogether. We all do this. How am I going to pay the bills? How am I going to find the time? How am I going to make a career doing that? All of the “hows” do nothing but create self-doubt and disrupt the creative process in your brain. I have to turn off the WiFi in my apartment when I write so I don’t distract myself on Buzzfeed or Facebook because it takes another half hour to get back into a creative flow. The same goes for stopping to ask ourselves “How?” It halts our creativity dead in its tracks. There is a place for “How” later in the process, but asking it while brainstorming will stop ourselves from considering all possibilities. Worrying about what might not work makes figuring out what will much more difficult because our focus is diverted from what we want to what we don’t want. If I write a screenplay about a character with super powers and spend too much time worrying about how realistic it is, I’ll never consider introducing a pond with radioactive waste that he swam in as a kid. All thoughts need to be considered because you never know which ones will end up growing legs (which is what happens when you swim in a pond with radioactive waste). As humans, we have a gift of creativity that no other creature has, so why do we stop ourselves from using it by worrying about something that hasn’t even happened yet?

3.) Create your character

There is an ongoing debate between writers about whether character or conflict is more important. The truth is that there should be no debate – character and conflict work in unison with one another. Without character, there is no conflict, and without conflict, we have no character. They’re two sides of the same pillow. Characters create and respond to conflict and their results come directly from their choices. If an external conflict arises – a tornado, an affair, or a murder – how the character chooses to respond determines the outcome of the story. Even if the character isn’t directly responsible for this conflict, how he responds to it defines him as a character. If the character creates the conflict himself, it is up to him to grow and overcome what he did. If the character spends his time relying on other characters and fails to resolve the conflict himself, he fails to show any growth and the writer has failed to create a true protagonist. You’ll never see a Jason Statham movie where the supporting characters kick the bad guys’ asses while he does nothing. No one would turn that script into anything more than tinder for a fire. The same goes with your life: if you let everyone else fight your battles, you fail to grow and your life becomes tinder for a fire since everyone else is living it for you. Create a dynamic character for yourself and grow to overcome conflict to reach your happy ending.

When you create a character, you have to start in the present. Where is the character when your story begins? What is he doing with his life? How does he view the world? Everything that has led up to right now has shaped these things. In writing terms, these past events make up the backstory. Every character comes equipped with a backstory, but what determines a dynamic character is what he does with it. You and I both have our own conditioning, or backstories, and they shape every facet of our current predicaments – our thoughts, ideas, beliefs, attitudes, emotions, and actions – all are based on our backstories. How a character recounts his past determines the course of action he will take in the present. Bruce Wayne watched his parents get murdered, so he vowed to wipe crime from the streets of Gotham so others wouldn’t have to share the same fate. He easily could’ve been traumatized and remained reclusive inside Wayne Manor, but then no one would tell the story of Bruce Wayne. Just like Master Wayne (Michael Caine accent), how we recount our past determines how we approach the present. If we’re paralyzed by the negative things that have happened, we fail to grow and we never become a strong character, ruining any chance of writing a compelling story for ourselves. Molding our own character means being fully self-aware and it sometimes takes being brutally honest with yourself, but this honestly will create a much more dynamic character in the long run.

Strong characters compel us as an audience, because they eventually overcome a limiting belief set by their backstory. We’re sucked into the story because we too want to overcome the limiting beliefs set by our own backstories, and we do it vicariously through the main character. The protagonist is never able to overcome conflict until he overcomes a limiting belief and acquires the necessary tools to become victorious. That’s exactly what our character must do to strike down the conflicts and obstacles that arise in our own lives. If we overcome a limiting belief set by our backstory, and grow to overcome our obstacles, we have created a compelling character that will achieve what we want.

4.) Outline

Outlining is one of the most important stages of writing your story. It is used to write screenplays, sketches, novels, plays, articles, and college research papers. I had a political science professor spend an entire week lecturing about outlining for an 80-page research paper that I wrote. Without that outline, I would still be in college trying to figure out how to write page after page on sex offenders and the rate of repeat offenses. Outlining gives structure to our writing and allows us to lay out our thoughts in a way that’s easily accessible and customizable. If I get off track when I’m writing, which I often do, I simply refer to the outline to get back on task. Just like outlining in writing is essential to create a successful piece, outlining in life, or setting goals, is necessary to create a successful story for yourself. In a study of Harvard MBA graduates, 84% had no specific goals, 13% had goals but didn’t write them down, and 3% had clearly written goals. In ten years, the 13% were earning twice as much as those without goals, and the 3% were earning ten times as much as the other 97% of graduates on average. Although this is simply a snapshot, it has become clear to me why the top 1% earn so much more than the other 99 – they have an outline for their lives. Try writing a screenplay with no outline or story board. Chances are, you’ll give up because there’s no structure and nothing to put you back on track, making the process frustratingly impossible. As you write, sometimes the outline will change and improve the screenplay. As you live life, sometimes your goals will change and improve your life as you grow. Sometimes something better than you planned will come along, but since outlines can be easily customized, we can make room for these unexpected surprises that can occur taking our screenplays from good to great. Remember as you write your life “a failure to plan is a plan to fail.” So outline, outline, outline!

5.) Write and rewrite

No one writes a perfect script the first time, but we have to write that first draft to see what needs to be improved and better understand how and where to make those improvements for the next draft. Sometimes you write a bad script, but as the jokes fall flat during the table read and no one laughs, you know what parts need strengthened or removed altogether. There’s nothing worse than hearing crickets when your script is being read aloud as joke after joke bombs, but once you get past that initial discomfort and all of the thoughts saying, “You’re terrible! It’s best to just give up!” you’re going to write a better script. You never learn to keep your eye on the ball if you don’t strike out first. The most successful people see adversity as a stepping-stone rather than a brick wall. Leading positive psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar states that it’s better to face difficulties and drawbacks early so that we’re better prepared to deal with the inevitable obstacles that will arise in our lives. There are even companies who train their new hires to fail so that they can choose to think dynamically and overcome their failures to succeed better at their new jobs. When crisis eventually rears its ugly head, these employees are ready to meet them head-on. If we meet adversity by curling up into a ball and giving up, we never learn what it takes to overcome it. In fact, we have a terrible habit of using the experience of one failure to expect failure in all other facets of our lives, a paralyzing choice that is anything but true. Yes, failing is uncomfortable, but we’ll never write our story to its fullest potential if we crumple it up and throw it away after the first draft. So instead of meeting failure with submission, meet it with the enthusiasm to write draft after draft until you tell the compelling story that you’re meant to tell. So pick up your feather pen, dip it into your ink well, and get writing without worrying about the first draft being great, because as long as you keep writing, it eventually will be.

Please comment – I would love to hear your POV!