Feedback? More Like Needback

Do you want to get better at what you do?

Of course you do!

We’re all wired to want to be better, but sometimes it’s hard to see beyond our current situations.

“I’m good where I am.”

“I’m fine doing this the way I have been.”

“I’m so friggin good, I can’t get any better.”

Oh, honey…

Listen, we’re all biased. We don’t always mean to be, but it can be difficult to get a different perspective on ourselves when we spend 24/7 looking through our own eyes. To get better, however, that new perspective is necessary… Maybe a few new perspectives.

When I write a script, I never submit it without asking someone else for their opinion on how I can make it better. This is the first time that person is seeing this script I’ve read over and over for the last week, so chances are, they’re going to see it differently.

That’s the key benefit of asking for feedback.

A common misconception of receiving feedback is that you have to do what the other person suggests. If multiple people who aren’t in contact with each other have the same ideas, that’s definitely a sign you should do something, but if one person says, “Cut this line,” I always make sure to take a step back and ask myself:

“Is keeping this line making my script better?”

“Is it true to the character?”

“Does it advance the action or positively contribute to a joke?”

Whether I choose to keep the line or not, I was able to see the script through new eyes, explore new possibilities, and build my self-awareness, which are all necessary steps to create personal growth.

No matter what you’re working on and no matter what the person offering feedback says, he or she has provided you with a new vantage point and, from there, you can access a new level of self-awareness.* You now have new options and can decide whether to get other opinions, use the feedback, or ignore the feedback, but either way, be grateful to the other person for helping you glimpse a fresh perspective and contribute to your growth.

*Although if they call you an asshole and to never talk again, you may want to reconsider who you get your feedback from.

Why Does This Keep Happening?

When you turn on the news, how do you feel?

When you think about how a human being can do something so barbaric, how does that make you feel?

When you hop on your social media and read people’s comments, what feeling does that create?

When you hear stories about the kindness, generosity, and heroic sacrifices of others, what do you feel?

Which of those feelings do you want to feel more of?

Is this going to be a blog post with only questions?

Allow me to answer that with a question: with so many people offering the same right/wrong, black/white, conservative/liberal opinions, wouldn’t it be nice to hear something different?

How can we bring more feelings of inspiration, love, abundance, joy, compassion, and meaning into the world?

What if each of us set out on our days to spread these feelings to others? What if we refocus our perspective of work, success, and life itself onto making the ultimate goal the spreading of those feelings?

What if, every day, we focused on bettering ourselves rather than being better than others?

What if, no matter the ideologies, opinions, and actions of others, we still responded with compassion and love?

How would your personal relationships be different?

Would your professional relationships become more personal?

What if we spent more time educating our children on kindness, working together, and understanding those different than us?

What if we were to measure our success by the number of people we serve?

What if we smiled more at strangers?

What if we accepted the imperfections of our humanity and laughed more at ourselves?

What if we looked at our differences in thought, belief, and action as opportunities to understand more about each other?

Would this make it easier to work together?

How could our different perspectives be combined to make the world a better place?

How would the world be different if we focused on solutions instead of the severity of problems?

If, every day, most people felt love, joy, compassion, abundance, inspiration and meaning, do you think they would want to inflict harm unto others verbally, emotionally, or physically?

What does that world look like?

How does that make you feel?

How can you share this feeling with everyone around you?

Can darkness exist where there is light?

Can fear, anger, bigotry, and hatred exist where there is love, compassion, understanding, and joy?

Does pointing out the faults of others show them how to grow?

Is fighting anger, hatred, and fear with anger, hatred and fear creating less anger, hatred, and fear?

What feelings does every human being strive for?

This keeps happening because we keep responding the same way. This has nothing to do with politics, being right or wrong, or even guns; it’s much more basic than all of these things. This has everything to do with being a human being, and the most human feelings we can feel are love, joy, compassion, understanding, freedom, kindness, and a desire to grow.

So what can you do to create those feelings within yourself?

What can you do, starting now, to inspire those feelings within others?

Start now. Share with others.

Let’s change the narrative and make the world and the people in it better together.

 

The Problem With Problems is the Problem

What’s 9+8?

This is a problem. In order to come up with a solution, we have to take the three components of the problem (the 9, the 8, and the +) and combine them in such a way that we discover the solution. Whether you use traditional arithmetic, Common Core (if that’s your thing), or some method involving stones, what matters is that you arrive at the solution.

Great! …but what’s the point?

I’m so glad you asked!

The point is that we didn’t spend time arguing over whether or not 9 and 8 were a good match and could be added together. We didn’t waste energy debating whether the plus sign was meant to be a symbol for ‘and’ or if it was meant to be a division sign. We didn’t turn the opportunity into a challenge over whether the government is being paid under the table by lobbyists to use the numbers 9 or 8 more frequently in math problems. We simply saw there was a problem and used our own individual methods for getting to the solution.

When we focus on solutions, we aren’t wasting precious time and energy focusing on what’s wrong, why it’s wrong, or how the other person’s method is wrong. We want to come to a solution, so that’s what what we focus our energy on in order to get what we want and move on to the next problem and find a solution for that.

What’s the Metaphor Phor For?

The problem: climate change

The solution: a clean environment with more efficient technology that makes our lives easier, healthier, and creates a positive economic impact

The problem: discrimination

The solution: a culture where people are genuinely interested in understanding those who are different; where acceptance, empathy, and a “help one another” mentality are the norm

The problem: a historically low number of people are happy or engaged by their work

The solution: hire David Horning to speak at your next conference, seminar, or meeting

Kidding.

The solution: a society where people are as excited about going to work as they are about drinking bloody marys with friends at Saturday brunch.

We could sit here and debate about our problems for hours, or we can choose to focus on what we want: solutions. Either way, we’re expending the same amount of energy, so wouldn’t it make more sense to focus that on what we want, rather then what we don’t? Instead of continually asking distracting questions like, “What’s wrong? Why is it wrong? Who’s to blame for it being wrong?” let’s start asking a question that shifts our focus toward creating solutions: “What do we want and what can we do to create it?”

Oh, yeah… the answer is 17.

Education: How to Make the World a Better Place

Want to make the world a better place than when you found it? Make the people around you better than they were when you found them.

We can spend years discussing the merits of gun laws, higher taxes for certain people, lower taxes for certain people, term limits, universal healthcare, equality, everyone gets a million dollars, etc. Actually, we have spent years discussing and debating these things, and the world is improving, but I’d like to take a moment to bring a new idea to the table so it can improve even more: education.

This isn’t exactly a new idea – we’ve known the education system has needed help for awhile, we just keep putting it on the back burner so we can argue about what someone shared in an email. As the world changes and continues to get faster and faster, we have a need to become people who can live and thrive in a fast-paced, ever-changing world. Meanwhile, our education system is stuck debating whether it’s okay to say a three-letter g-word in classrooms, and its ultimate end product is employees who adhere to this antiquated system.

This has nothing to do with building better schools, free college, or school choice.

This is about making our kids better people than we were. Because they have to make the world better than it was when they got here, they can’t do it with the same ideas we had. We have a responsibility to teach people how to make our ideas better, how to make other people better, and as a result, how to make our world better. Can we say with honesty that our curriculum inspires this attitude? How we contribute to the world hinges on what we learn as children and, now that we’re adults, how we teach our children. How are we teaching our children to treat others? To treat themselves? Is it making the world a better place?

What if you had learned in preschool that other people are different than you, and that these differences are what bring us together? Conflict originates from the belief that it is our differences that separate us when, in fact, they are what make us better. As kids, we didn’t understand why other people had their own motives and were never taught how. To learn how to navigate this world, we absorbed the beliefs of our parents, friends, and teachers, but we never learn how to improve upon them.

What if this class existed? Something called, I don’t know, “World Betterment 101” (I’m open to new names) where kids learn to:

  • accept and appreciate the points of view and beliefs of others
  • work together as a team to complete projects (sharing and being open to ideas, communicating through listening, and supporting one another)
  • use their strengths to better their weaknesses
  • understand the importance of failure, rejection, and mistakes and how to use them as opportunities to grow
  • focus on the gratitude for what they have and for what they have the potential to create
  • forgive
  • treat, not only others, but their surroundings and possessions as if we are them
  • have faith in possibilities, even when solutions seem impossible
  • get excited to expand your mind to new ideas

Learning the alphabet, colors, numbers, and shapes may be kind of a big deal, but learning to work together and make the world better is even more important. Think about how different your life would be if you had this educational backbone?

I just had another idea: change how we see teachers.

Any time we have a thought about someone or something, certain pictures come into our conscious minds that elicit feelings. What are the first thoughts and feelings that enter your mind when I say the word “hangover?” “Congratulations?” “Relationship?”

According to Miriam Webster, the definition of “teacher” is “one that teaches,” but a teacher does so much more than just teach, they’re tasked with being a dynamic influence on the futures of many people. When you hear the word “teacher,” what do you think? For me: authority figure, disciplinarian, tutor, school, homework, educator, and “Listen to me, David!!!” come to mind. For many students, especially those who can’t stand school, the word “teacher” carries a negative connotation. To my teacher friends, “teacher” means: underpaid, under appreciated, overworked, patience, work, school, sacrifice, stressful, and rigid, but also inspiration, understanding, leader, and mentor.

Speaking of the word “mentor,” according to Miriam Webster, the definition of “mentor” is “an experienced and trusted adviser.”

When I hear the word “mentor,” I think of someone who guides, inspires, and pushes me to be a better me. When it came to my teacher friends, they thought of guide, wants to make a difference, wisdom, teacher, role model, leader friend, confidant,

Though changing the title of “teacher” to “mentor,” may not overhaul people’s perceptions of education, it will help. The term “teacher” also serves as an abstraction that de-humanizes them and serves as a barrier in building relationships. Who do you think you would have a stronger relationship with, a teacher or a mentor? When I think of the dozens of people who have had a huge influence on my life, only five of them are teachers.

What if students saw their teachers as experienced and trusted advisers? How would they treat them? What if teachers saw themselves in the same way? If you were a mentor to your students, how would you approach your work differently? What if the government saw teachers as mentors instead, would, say, standardized tests be as important as they are now, does individual growth become more important?

Keep in mind, these are just ideas from one perspective. I’m no expert by any means, but I did stay in a- Nope! Not going to say it. I did not stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night, and am therefore not an expert on staying in Holiday Inn Expresses!

Sorry about that. Sometimes I think on my keyboard… Back to what I was saying.

I’m no expert on education by any means, but I think it’s time to start thinking of ideas for solutions that move us forward from getting mired in the problem. For change to occur, new perspectives are needed. That’s all I want to provide here. The world needs new ideas, and ideas are created by people like me and you. As they say, “Ideas are what built IKEAs, but ideas can also build better futures.”

(How many times can I write the word “idea” in one blog post?)

How do you think the ideas I presented would improve people? (People = the end product of our education system) What long-term problems can be solved if we learned concepts like empathy, appreciation, and creativity at a young age? What else do you think children could learn so they live a life that revolves around making the world better? If I were to call you a mentor, what do you picture yourself doing to earn that title? What ideas do you have that create a better world for yourself and those around you?

TED is a rabbit hole of useful information. Feel free to get lost in the ideas of these dynamic thinkers, working to make the educational system a better place. Trust me, it’s much more illuminating than falling into the Infinite Facebook Abyss:

“Never stop asking questions because the world is going to keep needing answers.” – Someone who answered the question “When do I stop asking questions?”

“Because without questions, there are no answers.” – The person who asked “When do I stop asking questions?” to his Motivational Quotes 101 professor following his response.

Okay, how many times did I use the word “ideas?”

5 Simple Steps to Show Your Team You’re on Their Side

Have you ever watched an episode of a soap opera, then, a few years later, tune into the same soap opera to find former friends as bitter enemies, former enemies as close allies, and former actors replaced with someone bolder and more beautiful? So goes the way of the soap opera. I suppose if you were to write an hour-long TV show that airs five days a week, you’d need to have your characters stab each other in the back, break alliances, and form new ones in order to keep things fresh. In the real world, however, if you want to be productive and keep your company on the air for over twenty years, backstabbing, withholding vital information, and working solely for personal gain isn’t going to do the trick. It doesn’t matter if you work at General Hospital or you’re located in Dallas, Knot’s Landing, or your zip code is 90210, a toxic culture will ensure turnover, decreased productivity, and a lack of passion. Whether you’re the CEO, HR director, or an accountant, if you consistently demonstrate that you’re willing to go out of your way to support your team, it will build their confidence, eagerness to produce, and inspire them to support those around them as well. If your workplace has developed a culture of support, your team can focus on what’s important, rather than be distracted by the ill intentions of others, and you increase your chances of success. Since we only have one life to live, we might as well live it to the fullest and transform work into something that excites us, so here are five simple ways to to demonstrate to your team that you’re there for them:

1. Create connections

You should probably see other people…
If there’s someone you work with who you aren’t very familiar with, make it a goal to learn five things about that person. Even better, take the time to learn about those who you don’t exactly see eye-to-eye with. Do they have kids? Pets? What are their names? What kind of things do they do together? What sort of hobbies do they have? What’s the coolest thing they’ve ever done? Learning about your coworkers will transform them from just another colleague to a real human with needs, desires, and passions. When you build a rapport with another person, it will be easier for you to take a step back and see yourself in them (but with different kids, experiences, and needs) through their humanity the next time you disagree on something. It also gives you a repertoire of conversation topics if you happen to get stuck on an elevator together.

2. Get excited about going the extra mile

You’re slogging through a looooong stressful day and the clock seems to be going backwards when suddenly, Janet from accounting knocks at your door and hands you a cup of coffee without you even asking. Even if you don’t drink coffee, this small action offers you a split second opportunity to reframe and refresh your situation because it communicates that someone cares about you. If you’re going out to pick up lunch, ask people if they would like anything. When you’re walking across the office to make copies, see if those around you need anything copied too. Distribute foot massages without expectation of reciprocation. Okay, maybe check with people before you crawl under their desks and start to remove their shoes, but the spirit of caring remains the same and can build goodwill between team members.

3. Smile

If someone had a rough morning with kids who don’t want to go to school, an argumentative spouse, or a coworker who doesn’t understand that “I don’t want a foot massage” means they actually don’t want a foot massage, a smile can go a long way. Simply making eye contact and sharing a genuine smile as you pass someone in the hallway can break up the snowball effect of a bad morning. Make it a habit to be happy to see everyone and others will be happy to see you.

4. Celebrate successes

Sure, it’s great to recognize the professional accomplishments of a team member, but to get the whole team invested in and excited for the successes of someone outside of work demonstrates that you care for their personal well-being too. Anyone can give a pat on the back for a job well done at the office, but to be interested in the success of someone outside of work bridges the gap between professional and personal relationships. It also gives them the internal inspiration to continue bettering themselves and to celebrate your personal successes too

5. Root for the home team

The people around us are the most important tool we have at our disposal. The beautiful thing about life is that we all have goals and, though some may be the same, we all have different reasons why we want to achieve these goals. A common misconception is that “there isn’t enough to go around,” however, this is blatantly false. We are wired to compete for resources so that we can survive to produce offspring and keep our species strong. The resource-abundant world in which we live has made this wiring obsolete, yet it still can rear its head and dominate our thinking: “He didn’t deserve that promotion, I did!” If, instead of competing for superiority, we worked together to make each other better, we would tap into a resource we don’t have at our disposal if we decide to fly solo: a supportive teammate. Focus on achieving your goal, but if the opportunity arises to share information, resources, or connections with others, don’t hesitate to do so. This has the potential to establish a supportive relationship that can flourish even more in the spirit of mutual growth. Disclaimer: be sure you aren’t working against yourself; the goal is to be constantly working to better yourself and those around you. In addition to being wired to compete, human beings are also wired to reciprocate; an evolutionary trait that won’t become outdated anytime soon. By shifting the focus away from being better than those around you, you can use that energy to focus on bettering yourself and those around you, a focus that can pay exponential dividends in the long run.

A Weekend State of Mind

TGIF, am I right?

There are 52 weekends in a year, which means there are 104 weekend days. Each week, many people wake up on Friday, anticipating the “freedom” and fun a couple of days off may bring, and go to sleep Sunday, dreading going to work the next five days. That means 261 days a year (including holidays and 1 week of vacation: around 240) are devoted to looking forward to the other 125 or so. To me, this sounds back-ass-wards: why does it make any sense to spend 2/3 of your already way-too-short life focusing on the other 1/3? Remember that scene in Jumanji where elephants and rhinos charge down main street, crushing everything in their path? What if you were in that car that got smashed? You never know when an elephant is going to crush you while you sit at a red light, so my recommendation is to live each moment like it is the weekend. Now don’t go out and start doing shots of Fireball – I don’t mean party like it’s the weekend, I mean carry a weekend state of mind:

  • No matter what day of the week, find something to look forward to each day, whether it’s learning something new in a meeting, building a relationship with a coworker or client, or taking steps closer to achieving a goal.
  • Be in the present moment, not worrying, stressing, or dreading about the endless stack of work in your inbox. When you’re enjoying a game night with friends on Friday, or you’re reuniting with college friends on Saturday, chances are, you’re not worrying about work on Monday. Set weekly and daily goals that engage you and work on completing them, one task at a time. The closer you get to completing them, your brain releases dopamine, the same feel-good reward chemical you get when you’re laughing with your friends at karaoke night.
  • Reward yourself with each goal you complete during the workday.
  • Rephrase “I have to go to work” to “I get to go to work.” This minor change will evoke completely different imagined scenarios in your head. Not everyone has the chance to get a paycheck every week, so keep your eyes peeled for opportunities to be grateful as you move through each day at the office, and take a moment to yourself to let how incredibly lucky you are sink in.
  • Create themed days at the office that break up the routine and keep things fresh. Here are a few ideas:
    • Memorable Meeting Monday: The purpose of this half-hour meeting isn’t to talk about work, it’s to do a short, off-the-cuff table topics exercise so you can learn more about your coworkers with randomly selected prompts from a “topic master.” “Tell us about your most recent vacation or a vacation you’re looking forward to going on,” “What’s a memorable family tradition you have for (insert upcoming holiday here)?” “If you could have any superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it?”
    • Taco Tuesday. Duh.
    • Winning Wednesday: The most important aspect of our workday is the people with whom we work. Go out of your way to have at least six positive interactions with coworkers: learn something new about someone, compliment someone on their attitude, work, or appearance, use any spare time to work together with someone and help them to complete a task they’ve been struggling with, do a small kind deed for someone like getting an extra cup of coffee, offering to make copies for them, or buy someone’s lunch. Make sure you do these on your own, without waiting for someone to ask you. (Also, chances are, Whiskey Wednesday isn’t going to fly with HR).
    • Thankful Thursday: Have a gratitude board where everyone can see it, and write down at least one thing you’re grateful for, not necessarily about work. Also, go out of your way to call a client, write an email to a coworker, or tell them in person why you’re grateful for them and what they do.
    • Each Friday, have a different themed dress-up or dress-down day. From onesies, to cowboys, to the roaring 20s; get creative. At the end of each Friday, get together as a team to celebrate each other’s accomplishments and set goals for the upcoming week.

Only looking forward to around 125 days a year seems absurd and self-defeatist to me. When I was in school, I found myself moping around at the thought of having to go back the next day, and I missed out on opportunities to enjoy the experience. Since then, I’ve carried a weekend state of mind, no matter how many cold emails I have to draft, presentation proposals I have to draft, and videos I have to edit. Any and every experience can be fulfilling and fun, and if you’re going to spend 40 hours somewhere, you might as well create that in every moment. However, if you’re looking forward to the future, you’re missing out on the present, and robbing yourself of the opportunity to be engaged and enjoy the moment you’re in.

 

Word of the Week: Inspire

Inspire: (Verb) To fill with an animating, quickening, or exalting influence. (source: dictionary.com)

“Inspire” is much more than just a word; it’s a call to action. Most of our days are filled with self-gratification: going to work to get paid, going to dinner with friends to have fun, going to the bar to get lit, etc. With each and every interaction with another person, we have an opportunity to inspire them, but we often miss it because we have become conditioned to find what they can do for us. It’s awfully hard to inspire someone when you’re trying to get something from them. Don’t think of the word “inspire” as creating some magical moment where fireworks explode in the sky and choirs of angels belt out Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus. To inspire someone can be as simple as inspiring them to smile or feel good about themselves. You need not give away your savings or spend an exorbitant amount of time or energy to do it; all it takes is a conscious effort to make someone’s day better. When I approach a new person, no matter what, I put a smile on my face. Even if they’re in a contentious state of mind, it will catch them off guard. Last night, I was at Starbucks, getting my late-night caffeine fix, but no one was behind the counter. After waiting five minutes, a frazzled-looking barista appeared from around the corner, apologizing profusely for making me wait, as if I was about to scold her. I smiled and said, “Don’t apologize, I’m good. Besides, waiting is a state of mind.” She smiled and I could see the tension in her shoulders subside. We went on to have a pleasant conversation about how cascara wasn’t the person who sang Everytime We Touch. What she didn’t know is that I snuck around the display case and took three cake pops, but it’s my hope that the next time she has to wait in line for something, she’s inspired to have patience. (I’m kidding about the cake pops, by the way… I took four).*

Because it’s a verb, when we tell ourselves to “inspire others,” we picture ourselves actually doing something to inspire them. In order to inspire, action must be taken and there is no limit to the actions you can take to inspire someone. My life’s purpose is to inspire others to see the bigger picture and laugh, which is why every day I’m working on learning more about how we use our minds, creating a new character, writing a new performance bit, making a video, or performing in front of others. I’ve made inspiration the purpose of my career, and I wake up every morning, excited to inspire someone else to be better. This mindset has completely changed the way I perceive work, and turned a job into my mission.

How did you feel the last time you inspired someone? Made them smile? Strengthened their self-perception? Built their trust? Inspired them to learn and apply something new? Remember how great it felt – that warmth in your heart, the flood of happiness in your brain, and the feeling of connection with the other person. We’re a social species – it’s arguably the most important trait we have, which is why it feels so good when we’re able to shine a light on someone else’s day.

It’s fairly simple: people don’t remember what you say or do, they remember how you make them feel. Leave everyone you encounter better off than you did when ran into them. How can you inspire someone this week? When interacting with others, ask yourself, “Am I inspiring this person with my actions?” At the end of each day, write down at least one way you inspired a coworker, boss, customer, family member, friend, or stranger and keep looking for opportunities to do so. When we set out to inspire, we give our lives meaning by working toward something bigger than ourselves, we engage our minds, and most importantly, we inspire others to inspire others. Pretty inspiring, eh?

*Disclaimer: No cake pops were stolen in the writing of this blog.

Get It? Got It? Good. Now Give It.

It doesn’t seem like it’s been almost two months since my last blog post, but the internet never lies,* so it has to be true. Time has absolutely flown by and I can’t believe I’m sitting here sipping on an iced latte because it’s June; I can’t drink hot lattes in June because I don’t want to contribute to global warming.

What have you been up to?

Wow!

That sounds great!

Me? Oh, I’ve been doing some traveling, speaking, and I’m doing my best to ignore gorillas. I recently had a pretty funny tweet about sex and balloons too (follow me on Twitter @THEdavidhorning).

Oh yeah, and I’m working on my first book, Find the Funny, for which you’ll see plenty of shameless plugs on my social networks over the next couple of months. I’ve been doing a bunch of reading lately and couldn’t help but notice the unmistakable connections between psychology and many of the basics of creating sketch comedy. Another thing I have noticed is the fact that in utilizing these principles, I have gone from being a political science student who couldn’t stand politics, to the producer of a sketch comedy show in Times Square, to a professional motivational speaker.

Why am I writing a book now?

Because another thing I have noticed is that very few people out there are aware of the power of humor and how it can grow us, expand our perspective, and bring us joy. Not everyone can see me speak, but everyone can download or buy a book. I didn’t leave New York to become a motivational speaker in pursuit of financial abundance (although that’s a big reason why I went there), and that’s not why I’m writing this book. There is a need for humor and perspective in the world. When we turn on the news or read an article, the objective of the network or author is to impact our emotions and tell us how to think. Why do you think the media uses buzzwords like “Horrible tragedy” or “Gruesome”? They’re manipulating our feelings so we make comments condemning anyone who believes otherwise, and click on links to other stories that support our emotional attachment. Believe it or not, we can perceive events, no matter how “tragic” or “gruesome,” however we want. It is within these perceptions that our feelings are created and our actions follow suit. I was called away from a great opportunity with very funny, genuine people in New York City to share with others that OUR PERCEPTIONS ARE OUR CHOICE AND WHEN WE CHOOSE ONE THAT EVOKES POSITIVE EMOTION, WE’RE MORE LIKELY TO CREATE POSITIVE RESULTS.

Because we have been groomed in a society that values the pursuit of getting rewarded for our actions, we often forget that our jobs are all designed to serve others in some way. To work in order to get something is completely missing the point of why we work. While getting a job as a staff writer on a TV show, getting 1 million video views, or getting paid six figures would all be great achievements, these must serve as the means to an end and not the end itself. If we focus on how we can use these rewards as stepping stones to serve even more people, we will have an engagement and meaning in our lives that fill in so many gaps that exist as a result of the pursuit of reward as an end.

We are meant to serve.

True, I charge over $1,000 to speak for 90 minutes. True, my book is going to make me money, but the money itself isn’t the goal in either case. The financial reward is a tool to improve production value and hire help so that I may reach out to even more people and introduce them to a perspective that can change lives for the better like it has changed mine. Each of us has a gift to give in order to leave this world a better place than it was when we got here. If we’re focused on what we can get, it becomes a lot harder to focus on how we can use our gifts to serve. Not only that, but by giving, we inspire others to give and, before we know it, we will have left a legacy that lives on long after we’re gone. That is the real reward.

What are your gifts?

How can you use them to serve others in what you do?

When it comes to reward…

Get it: What are your goals? What actions can you take to keep moving forward?

Got it: Congratulations, you achieved a goal!

Good: Because you received reward from the completion of your goal, that means you were able to serve others well enough that you got something for it. Now it’s time to take another step and

Give it: How can you use the rewards you’ve received to serve even more people?

When you’re engaged and your life has meaning in the service of others, bouts of boredom will be few and far between. Not only that, but the external rewards will pale in comparison to the internal fulfillment you’ll live with knowing that your work is inspiring others.

Thanks for reading. Now, back to either my book or tweeting about sex balloons (Which is what I call condoms. Which is probably why I’m single).

*Correction: the internet lies sometimes

This Study Could Change the Way We Think

Every so often, there comes a scientific discovery that dramatically changes the world. Many of these studies have no impact on our day-to-day lives, and we’re left saying, “That’s great, but what does that have to do with me?” I spend a lot of time asking questions and doing research on thinking and how it affects our results, so I find some interesting articles and try to apply what I learn to my life. This article, however, made my jaw drop. A psychology student at Colorado College decided to do a sleep study on two groups of students for her thesis, and the results are incredibly far-reaching. And yes, the results do have something to do with you, me, and everyone else.

Here’s the link to the report on the Colorado College Placebo Sleep Study if you want to read it yourself: https://www.coloradocollege.edu/newsevents/newsroom/the-power-of-positive-sleeping#.ViemgEuXHKB

If you don’t want to read it, let me sum it up:

The subjects of the study were informed that, using new technology, the quality of their sleep the night before could be measured. This was a lie. They informed one group that they had an above average night of sleep and the other that their sleep quality was below average. Each group was informed that their sleep quality had a direct impact on their cognitive functioning. The groups were then given the same test to assess their ability to listen and process information. Guess who performed better? Basically, if you believe you got a good night’s sleep, no matter the sleep you actually got, you perform better the next day.

These findings are revolutionary and are another instance of scientific proof that it isn’t the event, but our perception of the event that determines how we respond and perform, and how we perform directly impacts our results. This means that whatever we face, if we believe or don’t believe we can overcome it, our results will respond in kind. Wait, what?? You mean I could have made that sale, got that date, or achieved that goal even though I didn’t? Yep! And because you weren’t able to get the win, it can only mean you let thoughts like “I can’t” or “It isn’t realistic” get the best of your thinking process. Believe me, I’ve been there.

Let’s apply this to work. Suppose your boss came up to your desk and said, “Mr. Peterson is very interested in committing to our product; I just need you to give him one last selling point. Can you do it?” Now suppose your boss said, “Mr. Peterson doesn’t seem too thrilled about our product; could you go try and convince him otherwise?” You would respond differently to each challenge. Just like the group of students who believed their sleep aversely effected their performance, the latter work situation is much more likely to produce a negative result. If you believe with every fiber of your being, with no inkling of a doubt, that you’re going to make the sale, guess what? Your sales pitch is going to be infused with confidence, positivity, and further actions that will produce the intended result. If you don’t believe the client is interested in coming on board, your sales pitch isn’t going to be very confident, and may come across as desperate. You may include certain sales pitches that you wouldn’t if you had belief in the outcome, and these pitches might not be the strongest selling point of your product.

Essentially, positive thought -> positive action -> positive result. Negative thought -> negative action -> negative result. It’s not often we find that positive thought -> positive action -> negative result. You don’t prepare an apple pie and, when it comes out of the oven, expect key lime.

So when you find yourself doubting the power of self-belief, take a look back at the philosophies on self-belief of Aristotle, Plat0, Socrates, Confucius, Buddha, Jesus, Descartes, Twain, Emerson, Gandhi, Oprah, and Yoda. Need more sound scientific evidence than some of the names that transcend history?

Here:

http://articles.chicagotribune.com/1998-10-21/news/9810210019_1_placebo-effect-poison-ivy-patient

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2002/07/020712075415.htm

http://news.stanford.edu/news/2007/february7/dweck-020707.html

Learn more, achieve more, earn more, and live a more positive, fulfilling life. All you have to do is believe you can and you’ve given yourself the most important head start you can, no matter how much sleep you’ve gotten.

(If only more people read about things like this and less about what’s wrong with (insert political candidate here), Lamar Odom and the Kardashians, or about people being bullied and how bad it is, this world would be a much more self-aware, positive place. So please, share this blog post with people you know and care about – it can have a positive impact on the way they see themselves, and I don’t know anyone who doesn’t need a little self-belief.)

Trisha McGovern Reviews: Chipotle

Being longtime pizza purveyors, my family and I decided to order some from this neighborhood pizza place, if you can even call it that. This is Trisha McGovern here with another review, this time, I take on the Italian establishment, Chipotle. If you want to wait four hours for your pizza and then never get it, this is the place for you. Wanting an authentic taste of Italy in the comfort of our own home, we decided to indulge in the sensational flavors of fresh tomato sauce, crispy, flaky crust, and melty cheese. What we got was none of this. I placed my initial order at around 6:30 on a Friday night, so I understand if they’re busy, but by 8:00 we hadn’t received our pizza. When I called back to vent my frustrations, the girl who answered said, “We told you when you were ordering that we don’t serve pizza, but you wouldn’t listen.” This is a blatant lie! Not only was my pizza getting cold (if they even made it in the first place), but they were accusing me of not listening when they were the ones who didn’t listen. I placed my order a second time: large pepperoni, extra cheese, and thin crust, and expected to get a second pie for free for the inconvenience. Not only did I waste another two hours of my time, I never got the pizza! By this point, my twin four year old boys, Weymouth and Bellus, were getting fussy because they were hungry. I had to feed them wet paper towels thanks to this disgrace of a family pizza place. The Chipotle family should be ashamed of themselves, disgracing the long-standing reputation of an Italian heritage. When I called again, they refused to refund our bill because I “never ordered anything” so they “never charged us any money,” which is the poorest of the poor excuses as to why we shouldn’t get our money back. When I asked to speak with a manager, the manager I spoke to explained that they were out of pepperoni, mozzarella, marinara, and crust, and that they don’t deliver. After waiting so long, it would have been nice for someone to come over and tell us personally that they don’t deliver, but it seems as though customer service is dead today. Not even a free cannoli. We won’t order from here again and I told all of my friends about my horrible experience that ruined my weekend and my love for pizza. This place is the worst. If I could give negative stars, I would.

1 star